Beau & Me

I generally shy away from crying at movie theaters. I'll look up at the ceiling, pinch myself, shove a fistful of Sour Patch Kids in my mouth - anything to avoid making a scene.

I saw Marley & Me today and that all changed. I spent the final 20 minutes of the movie in near hysterics, trying to shield my teary eyes from my 7 and 10 year-old cousins.

Going into it, I knew that Marley, the incorrigible, but lovable yellow lab died. But Marley's demise mirrored that of my beloved yellow lab, Beau (renamed "The King" by yours truly during his elder years).

Seeing it on the big screen conjured up some very happy and very painful memories.

After his near-death expeirence, The King came back like Tony Soprano after Uncle Junior shot him in the stomach. Sure, he was a little weak at first. But by the summer, he was back in stride, enjoying the mild Seattle sun and the freshly cut grass.

The King was just shy of his eleventh birthday - still relatively young, even for a lab. But he lived a full life and touched nearly everyone he met (I still have old friends ask me about him).

There's a great line at the end of Marley & Me where Owen Wilson says, "A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor. Give him your heart, and he'll give you his." That's the absolute truth. My wish is that everyone can experience that love.

I miss The King.

I miss my best friend.

Everybody Is A Star

Remember that ex-boyfriend or girlfriend who just won't let it go? You know, the one who's probably fixated upon your Facebook profile right now, hitting refresh every 15 seconds in a self pitying attempt to figure out what you're doing and who you're doing it with. The very same one who sends you text messages at 2:30 AM saying they're at the same resort in Cabo you both went to the year before, and they're walking on the beach. Alone.

Well, the New York Knicks have a crazy ex too. His name is Stephon Marbury. And he has taken it upon himself to go all Glenn Close, ala Fatal Attraction on the Knicks (can't you hear Starbury telling Knicks brass, "I'm not gonna be ignored").

On Tuesday, Starbury, he of the $20,840,625 salary and face of the $14.98 and under Starbury shoe line, decided to stalk his ex at the Staples Center to watch them take on the Lakers.

Earlier this month, the Knicks banned Starbury from team functions. This came as a result of Starbury refusing to go into a game when the team was shorthanded due to injuries and pending trades.

But Starbury wasn't attending the Knicks/Lakers game as a player. He paid for his ticket and took the game in as a "fan".

At halftime, Starbury told reporters, "All I've got to do is get free. Once I get free, the team I'm going to go to, I think a lot of people will be shocked."

Really, Steph? What team could that be? Maybe the Minnesota Timberwolves? That would be a real treat for NBA fans as Starbury could partner with his cousin, Sebastian Telfair, to form the biggest punk backcourt in NBA history. Telfair can be in charge of concealing firearms aboard the team plane and Starbury will monitor the T-Wolves internship program.

The Starbury Saga serves as yet another reminder about what's wrong with the NBA. Guaranteed contracts seemingly guarantee one thing - prima donnas. How someone not affiliated with a golden parachute or AIG can earn $20 million for doing absolutely nothing is a disgrace to humanity.

Countless Americans are struggling like never before and Starbury is prancing around the sidelines, flaunting the fact that he's earning a paycheck to not work.

If David Stern can destroy professional basketball in Seattle, then he surely can step in to this matter, void the remainder of Marbury's contract, and slap him with permanent expulsion for being a punk.

Athlete Behavior 101

Remember the TV show, "Kids Say the Darndest Things"?

I'm thinking about pitching a spin-off called, "Athletes Do the Stupidest Things". The pilot episode will feature embattled New York Giants wide receiver, Plaxico Burress, who thought he needed to pack some heat into a NYC night club, and accidentally popped himself in the leg.

I wish I could make this stuff up. But this actually happened. After all the brilliant crimes committed by not only NFL players, but a gaggle of other professional athletes (i.e. Ugie Urbina and Kobe), one would think that some logic would enter the minds of these highly paid pros.

Apparently not. In many ways, Burress deserves everything headed his way (NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg is angrier than a GM shareholder). If you're stupid enough to bring a gun into a club, then it's only fitting that you shoot yourself in the leg. Life would be far too cruel if Burress had accidentally shot another person.

Of course, there's the argument that the large majority of professional athletes are actually good, law abiding citizens. It's just the select few morons who get all the pub for drowning dogs and brandishing weapons. If anything, pro sports is a microcosm for American life.

But athletes should be held to a higher standard. I don't buy the Charles Barkley "I Am Not A Role Model" credo. These guys are not only role models, but their actions are highly impressionable on kids (I remember screaming like Larry Johnson once after I rejected some kid who was at least half a foot shorter than me).

Wouldn't it be great if we could get through a professional sports season without a domestic abuse charge, weed bust, or a murder?

Hopefully it will happen sooner than later. Because the Michael Vick's and Plaxico Burress' should stand for something aside from sheer stupidity.

They should stand as cautionary tales.

Return to Queens Blvd

After spending seasons three and four recycling storylines, The Entourage needed a complete overhaul. And lucikly it got it (possibly because my dad was removed as executive producer). The HBO comedy came back for season five harder than an Ari Gold gay joke lobbed at Lloyd.

Sunday night's finale, Return to Queens Blvd, was a great bookend to what was arguably Entourage's most well rounded season.

For the first time in the show's history, viewers witnessed Vince going Naomi Campbell and launching a cell phone. Talk about refreshing. Even the obligatory Michael Phelps cameo came off well (good thinking not to give him any lines after his Rosetta Stone debacle).

Some could argue the ending was a little too easy, a little too Entourage-esque. Only on Entourage could Vince go from not even getting a reading, to landing a lead role in a Scorsese flick in the same episode.

Watching the final scene, I couldn't help but realize the finality of this great show. I'd be surprised if Entourage lasts more than another season or two. We saw Vince's rise to fame, followed by his fall. What happens after he rises again (how bout a spinoff featuring Turtle's mom wiretapping his phone sex convos with Meadow Soprano?)?

Regardless, Entourage has cemented itself as the ultimate male-buddy show. It's Sex and the City with testosterone and hotter chicks.

And that's a show worth supporting.

808s & Heartbreak

Kanye West is the brightest star in the universe.

At least that's what a robot claimed on his last tour.

The Luis Vuitton Don won't hesitate to laud himself any chance he gets. A few weeks ago, he determined he was the 'voice of this generation'. Some call it arrogance. Some call it delusion. But if Kanye keeps producing albums like his latest, and most ambitious album, 808s & Heartbreak, he can say whatever he wants.

Just 15 months since dropping Graduation, Mr. West, Mr. West, Mr. Fresh, Mr. by-his-self-he-so impressed, has entered an artistic stratosphere that few have ventured.

808s is unlike anything Kanye, or any other musician has ever released. For someone who spent the early part of his career as a producer and a musician seemingly sticking to the exact same formula (you can't say that Dialated Peoples "This Way" and Talib Kweli's "Get By" aren't more or less the same song), that is quite the achievement,

This could come off like Styx's Kilroy Was Here. People will either get it, or they won't. Auto-Tune isn't for everyone.

From my highly biased state, I can honestly deem 808s as the most open and honest relationship album since Marvin's brilliant Here My Dear.

You won't find anything like "The New Workout Plan" or "Good Life"on this album. Kanye's in a dark place. "Paranoid" is an amped up Terminator Soundtrack cut that gets Rick Rolled - "All of the time he be up in my checking through my cell phone, baby no/You wanna kill the vibe on another night/ here's another fight, oh here we go". Sound familiar?

When Kanye sings "It's 4AM and I can't sleep/Her love is all that I can see", on "Coldest Winter", you know someone sliced open his chest with a scalpel, pulled it apart and yanked out his battered heart.

You might think Kanye should stick to rapping over what he's currently doing (he calls it 'pop art'). But regardless, he deserves respect for having the vision to take a chance on a true artistic gem.

Four Syllables to Save The Franchise

Now that the Mariners managerial version of "American Idol" is over, it seems like the new regime lead by GM Jack Zduriencik has one thing the organization hasn't had in over five years - a clear vision.

By naming Don Wakamatsu field manager, Zduriencik rebuffed the popular, politically correct choice in former fan favorite, Joey Cora, and stuck with who he deemed right for the job. This is the most important choice Zduriencik will make, so it's imperative that he gets what he wants in this situation.

For most M's fans like myself, Cora would have been a great first step at trying to smooth things over with a disenchanted fan base (Junior of course would be step two). Cora represents winning more than any other Mariners second baseman. The image of Cora crying after the M's got bounced after the 95 playoffs personifies Cora's devotion to winning. A team that just dropped 101 games could use some of that.

But there is a lot to be excited about with Wakamatsu. For the first time ever, the M's have decided to cherry pick from the organization that consistently outperforms them in every way on 1/3 the budget. Aside from Art Howe, anyone recently associated with the Oakland A's franchise is undoubtedly a cut above anything the Mariners have produced.

Wakamatsu's experience as a catcher also bodes well. Current MLB managers with catching experience include Mike Scioscia, Joe Torre and Joe Maddon. Not a bad group to join.

Wakamatsu also has a four syllable last name. Ron Gardenhire is the only other current MLB manager who can say that. So Wakamatsu has that going for him as well.

Zduriencik could have brought in a crony from his Brewers days like Ned Yost, or a retread like Bobby Valentine. That would have been the easy way out. He obviously sees something in Wakamatsu that's worth putting his GM career on the line for.

And that's something Mariners fans should get behind.

The Trifecta

Much has been made about the sorry state of Seattle sports. The 24-hour period from Saturday night to Sunday night served to solidify one thing - we really suck right now.

The Husky football team, the Husky men's basketball team and the city's saviors, those lovable Seahawks all suffered crushing defeats.

For Husky football, their loss to UCLA and former coach/pariah, Rick Neuheisel, marks an embarrassing end to the last four years worth of embarrassing home losses for Tyrone Willingham's embarrassing teams.

The Husky basketball team, thought by many (including myself) to be the potential ray of sunshine in this otherwise constant low 50's with a high chance of rain and wind forecast, imploded against the University of Portland.

And the Seahawks pretty much mailed in the season against the NFC West leading Arizona Cardinals in a 20-26 uphill struggle.

Oh, we can't forget the Sonics. Wait. Never mind.

This weekend felt like being treated to a triple showing of Rocky Balboa with your eyelids taped open. You know Rocky's over matched and Mason "The Line" Dixon is going to beat up on a 60-year-old with brain damage. But you watch anyway.

We can sit here and call Tyrone Willingham worthless, or pop off about how the Seahawks still have a running game that's suitable for the Lingerie Bowl.

But I offer an alternative.

Let's remember how great it felt when the Dawgs knocked off Purdue in the 2001 Rose Bowl and finished the season ranked number three.

Let's remember when the Brandon Roy led basketball team played a high energy, hard nosed style and made more than half of their free throws.

Let's remember the Hawks absolutely dominating the entire NFL in 2005, and capping it off with a convincing win over the Panthers to win the NFC title.

Just for good measure, let's remember Junior's giant smile after he scored the winning run in the do-or-die game 5 against the Yankees in the 1995 ALDS.

Let's remember the 2001 M's team that won 116 games. 116 games! How cool is that?

And let's remember our dearly missed Sonics. Let's remember a freshly blazed Sam Perkins stroking clutch threes to get the Supes within a game of the Finals.

Let's remember The Reign Man and these unreal dunks too.

Tough times don't last. Things will get better.

The Final Countdown

As I sit in the nation's capitol on the eve before the most important election of my lifetime (yes, even more important than the 2004 election, which used to be the most important election), my mind is teetering somewhere between sheer exuberance and sheer horror.

America is hurting. The last eight years have left us with a downtrodden economy, a depleted military and any number of embarrassments that have taken place in that span(I'll need a separate post to go into them). We're better than this. This isn't my America.

Whether you're a republican, democrat, libertarian, socialist, communist, elitist, or a maverick, you'd have to have your head so far up your ass to deem otherwise.

I often talk about what I would give to experience a professional sports championship (I really felt for those "tortured" Philly fans. Try being a Seattle sports fan). But a victory tomorrow night would be infinitely better than a title in Seattle. I'm talking a MJ, 1991 Finals winning reaction.

This is a win for my country. And nothing can top that.

Fyrone

Husky Nation can exhale. Their four-year long nightmare is over. Almost.

Current (soon-to-be former) coach, Tyrone Willingham has five games left to close out his UW coaching career in style (take that however you want).

Monday's forced resignation culminates a seemingly never ending downward spiral for the once proud football program. Willingham's 32 losses clearly played a big part in his ouster. By comparison, Husky legend Don James lost 57 games as Husky coach. But that took 18 years.

It wasn't just the mounting losses. It was how the losses came - last year it was about second half collapses, this season - sheer annihilation. It was Willingham's abrasive attitude. It was his unwillingness to change his game plan. It was his lackluster recruiting. Every move Willingham made, was ultimately the wrong move.

His supporters will say that he restored order to the UW program. But that's like lauding the Bush Administration because there hasn't been a terrorist attack in the U.S. since 9/11. Praise need not be given for doing your job. And Willingham couldn't even do that. He completely forgot about the winning part.

To his credit, Willingham is a proud man. Failing at Notre Dame and now at UW must be beyond disheartening.

Willingham had four years to turn around the program. He misunderstood what that meant. Because instead of a 180 turnaround, Willingham pulled a 360. Is Husky Football any better than when Keith Gilbertson completely quit on the 2004 season?

So it's back to square one for newly appointed UW AD, Scott Woodward. Willingham was the "safe" pick in 2004. A new direction is desperately needed. A winner who won't be afraid to crack a few skulls is imperative to energize not only the program, but also a disenchanted fan base (it's a problem when Husky Stadium has less people in it than a Clay Aiken concert).

But look at it this way, things can only get better.

Award Tour

The World Series is nearly underway. And before we know it, the regular season awards will be handed out. But before then, I feel it's necessary I get my say.

I'm still waiting on my membership to the Baseball Writers Association of America to get approved (for some reason I'm not getting much response. I guess that happens when your readership consists of 8 people). Nevertheless, here are my MLB award winners for 2k8.

AL MVP

1. Dustin Pedroia

2. Joe Mauer

3. Josh Hamilton

This one is about as certain as Barack winning the election.

If anything, this signifies that we're clearly in the post steroids era. Take Bret Boone's unreal 2001 season. Boonie hit .331 with 37 HR, 141 RBI and a .950 OPS. Compare that with Pedroia's 2008 numbers, .326 BA, 17 HR, 83 RBI and .869 OPS. Boone finished 3rd in MVP voting in 2001, albeit ingesting roids like the Ultimate Warrior.

Pedroia is a gamer. He also plays a vacuum like second base. He was a big part in getting the BoSox to the playoffs and for that he should be rewarded.

Mauer had a great year playing the most demanding position in the field. But his numbers .328, 9, 85, .864 are just a cut below Pedroia's. The Twinkies missing out on the playoffs (Mauer was 0-3 in the Twins tie breaker game) keeps the trophy from his hands.

Hamilton was the feel good story of the season. Nearly everyone has heard about his story, overcomming a serious drug addiction, only to make it to the bigs and fulfill his freakish talent. Hamilton faded over the season's last two months (7 HR, 26 RBI), but he still had a phenomenal season, at one point looking like he'd have well over 160 RBI.

NL MVP
1) Albert Pujols
2) Manny Ramirez
3) Ryan Howard

This one really isn't that tough. Pujols quietly carried a mediocre Cardinals team, keeping them in contention until September. Pujols is clearly a cut above every hitter in the National League. His .357 BA, 37 HR, 116 RBI and freaky 1.115 OPS is yet another phenomenal season for a guy who could end up being considered one of the best right-handed hitters ever (at his current rate, he'll have over 3,000 hits, 600+ HR's and a career .330+ batting average by 2015).

Some have issue even considering ManRam for the MVP. He only played 60 games with the Dodgers. But in those 53 games, Manny's L.A. Story proved just that. His presence in the lineup reshaped that entire team. He damn near out homered Matt Kemp for the team lead in 100 fewer games. Even though his combined numbers are MVP worthy, Manny simply can't win the award in 1/3 of the season.

Howard is an interesting case. His home run (48) and RBI (146) numbers are solid as a rock (Ashford & Simpson style) . But everything else is abysmal. He struck out 199 times. Hit .251, and had a .339 OBP. It's like saying Ocean's 12 would have been the best out of the series, except for the stupid Julia Roberts plot twist. It just doesn't add up.

AL Cy Young

1) Roy Halladay

2) Cliff Lee

3) Daisuke Matuszaka

I have to agree with Geoff Baker from the Seattle Times on this one. Yes, Lee had a great season. But his win total is really what stands out. Halladay arguably had better numbers, pitching against much better teams on a regular basis. Wins are generally a combination of luck and skill. Halladay didn't have as much luck every fifth day as Lee.

Some might wonder why K-Rod doesn't make the cut. After all, he did annihilate the single season saves record. But like Lee, K-Rod greatly benefited from the position his team put him in. He had more save opportunities than anyone this season and the second most all-time. So given that, he would have had to post an ERA under well below his 2.24.

NL Cy Young

1) Tim Lincecum

2) Brandon Webb

3) Johan Santana

Tiny Tim put together a great year on a terrible team. Webb and Santana were good, but Lincecum was great - and should be for years to come.

AL ROY

1) Evan Longoria

2) Alexei Ramirez

3) Jacob Ellsbury

Despite being an "n" different than Tony Longoria Parker's wife, this Longoria is a stud. He lead all rookies in HR's and finished second in RBI.

Ramirez had the best fielding play this year. He also provided a great bat at 2B for the ChiSox.

NL ROY

1) Geovany Soto

2) Joey Votto

3) Jair Jurrjens

Soto did a great job behind the plate for the Cubbies. He clubbed 23 bombs and hit .285. Votto was under the radar for the abysmal Reds. His numbers compare favorably to Soto, but playing catcher gets Soto extra points in my book.

AL Manager of the Year

1) Joe Maddon

2) Ron Gardenhire

3) Mike Scioscia

This is a no brainer. Maddon kept a young, inexperienced team atop the AL East standings for the entire year. No small feat, especially when you consider he did it with a team that had never won more than 70 games before.

Along with Maddon, Gardenhire got the most out of a team that was supposed to do very little.

NL Manager of the Year

1) Lou Piniella

2) Charlie Manuel

3) Freddi Gonzalez

Sweet Lou couldn't take the Cubs to the promised land. But he did lead them to the best record in the NL by 5 games. Not an easy feat for a franchise that's more accustomed to losing than Walter Mondale.

AL Scott Sanders

1) Carlos Silva

2) Miguel Batista

3) Brian Bannister

Pitchers like Silva and Batista make owners wish all contracts were incentive based. The Mariners teammates earned over $23 million in 2008 and produced an 8-29 record with a 6.36 ERA.

NL Scott Sanders
1) Brandon Backe
2) Barry Zito
3) Jeff Suppan

If you can't keep your ERA below 6, you shouldn't be allowed to pitch at a big league level. Backe (6.05) did little but eat up innings for the Astros.

Zito actually settled down a bit as the season progressed, even finishing with a 2-1 record and a 3.15 ERA in September. Everyone knew he was worth the astronomical contract the Giants gave him in 2006. But at least he's shown flashes that he might be able to regain his Cy Young form.

AL LVP
1) Richie Sexson
2) Jack Hannahan
3) Darci Barton

Big Sexy takes home the trophy for the second consecutive year. For as bad as his 2007 season was, Sexson figured out how to top himself. The pride of Vancouver, Washington hit .236 with 12 HR and a David Eckstein-like .382 slugging percentage, while getting cut by both the Mariners and the Yankees. Unfortunately, it looks like Richie will have trouble completing the trifecta.

The A's damn near fielded an entire lineup of LVP's. No joke.

NL LVP
1) Gregor Blanco
2) Michael Bourn
3) Jeff Francoeur

The speedy Blanco barely slugged over .300. Bourn slugged .300 exactly. But it's Bourn's intent on becoming the real life version of Willie Mays Hayes (41 SB) that keeps him from not winning the award.

After bursting on to the scene as a mid-season call up in 2005, Francoeur's career is in free fall. Francoeur has never been great about getting on base, but he slugged nearly 100 points below his 2006/2007 mark. Francouer is only 24, so hopefully he can figure out where his stroke went.

BoSox Come Alive!

Up seven runs in the seventh with two outs , it seemed like the Boston Red Sox had about as much chance of winning as Viva Laughlin had of staying on TV.

But somehow, someway, the Sox pulled out an improbable comeback to win Game 5 of the ALCS 8-7. Just when Big Papi started to look like Jerry Johnson from Little Big League, he swats a 3-run bomb into the right field seats. All those balls that the seemingly inpenetrable Rays outfield ran down, somehow dropped on the Fenway grass. And leave it to J.D. Drew, he of the Tin Man Syndrome (no heart), to give the Sox a clutch homer and the game winning hit.

This loss is devastating for the Rays. They were seven outs away from the World Series. Seven outs! For a team this young and inexperienced, losing this series will feel like getting dumped by your high school sweetheart for the douche bag on the lacrosse team with crabs. If they end up blowing the series, it will surely go down as one of the all-time great collapses in sports history.

But there are still two games to play. The Rays need only one win. Their entire season has been about proving everyone wrong. They have to do it at least one more time.

Rays of Sunshine

In May, Sports Illustrated featured an animated cover with a Tampa Bay Rays player proudly hoisting Derek Jeter in the air , declaring 2008 as "Bizzaro Baseball".

Flash forward five months and the Rays have done the improbable. They took on the entire American League, and won. Sure, they nearly pulled off the biggest choke job since the Pats couldn't finish off the best season in NFL history. But the upstart Rays pulled out the 3-1 Game 7 win, securing a trip to the World Series.

Just ten years ago, the Rays (née Devil Rays), featured a roster with all-time greats like Jerome Walton (1989 Topps All Star Rookie), the aptly named Bubba Trammell and 1998 All-Star, Rolando Arrojo.

With a core lineup featuring Carl Crawford, Evan Longoria and B.J. Upton, and a starting rotation boasting Scott Kazmir, James Shields, Matt Garza and David Price (2009 AL ROY, heard it here first), the Rays are built to win on a consistent basis for at least the next five years. They have one of the best managers in baseball, a phenomenal GM in Andrew Friedman and the funkiest dome since the King.

The Rays completely wasted their first five years in the league. Bad drafts (how good would they be if Josh Hamilton didn't fall off the wagon?), reckless free agent signings (Greg Vaughn, Jose Canseco, Juan Guzman) and a dysfunctional front office guaranteed 90-plus losses annually.

But their 2004 trade for Kazmir (Mets fans torture themselves with that one every September), followed by Friedman's hiring after the 2005 season, and the Rays established the building blocks for their current success.

Let this be a lesson for the Royals, Pirates and Mariners fans. For as bad as things seem, they can change in a few short seasons.

This is clearly the Rays year. They've come this far and it will end in a World Series title.

History 101

This one really hurts for Cubbies fans. It's like getting tagged in the head by a Mike Tyson uppercut in his prime. The Cubs went down about as quickly as a Tyson opponent circa 1985-1989 too.

In a year where nearly everything went right for the Cubs for their 162 regular season games, it took just 27 miserably played innings to make 2008 end the way the past 100 seasons have.

I know what it's like to have a magical regular season (2001 Mariners), where it seems like destiny will appear in the form of a World Series Trophy.

It's twisted irony that Lou Piniella coached that 01 M's squad too - and a Joe Torre team beat his ass back then also.

The Cubs freaked out in the playoffs. They couldn't pitch. They couldn't hit. They couldn't field. It's hard to win ball games under those circumstances.

But credit has to go to the Dodgers. How crisp do those jersey look right now? All they needed was ManRam and that team doesn't look anything like the one that was struggling to reach .500 with an old, overpriced roster. Now they appear headed for an epic World Series battle against the Red Sox.

So it will be at least another year before the Cubs exercise the demons of the Billy Goat and Bartman. It's not like their fans aren't used to waiting.

Purple Pledge

You would think losing tickets to a sporting event would be a hard thing to do. But for some reason, my dad is highly skilled at this art.

About 20 minutes before kick off for last weekend's UW/Stanford game, I get a call; "Boy, I can't find the tickets. See if you can find anyone who has extras."

As I hurriedly walked outside Husky Stadium's multiple entrances, searching for a decent priced pair of tickets, I found myself reluctant to pay even ten bucks to watch this team. Then I started thinking - the university should pay UW fans for suffering through the horse shit product they've produced since 2004.

A few days ago, I stumbled upon Chris Ballard's Sports Illustrated story on Stanford's "Gridiron Gurantee". In a culture surrounded by inflated salaries and ticket prices, this is more refreshing than having a "maverick" in the White House .

Here's my proposal for the Huskies "Purple Pledge".

Defense surrenders 400+ passing yards = Free Schultzy's hot dogs for all attending fans
Botched Extra Point = The real Lil' Penny is named interim coach for a game
Blown out by ranked opponent = Fans get a free Tyrone Willingham pistol. Bullets not included.
Jake Locker overthrowing a receiver by 20 yards = Seat cushions throughout Husky Stadium
Apple Cup Loss = Free season tickets for life for all current season ticket holders

Enough!

When things seem like they can only get better for the beleaguered University of Washington football team, they somehow become worse. This team clearly has a gift.

Saturday's embarrassing 35-28 home loss to Stanford put a rusty nail through the collective eye of Husky Nation. At 0-4, the season is over. And if new athletic director Scott Woodward has any sense, he'll see to it that Tyrone Willingham's UW coaching career is as well.

In Willingham's fourth season, the team has regressed. The defense is inexplicably worse than last season. Their rushing attack is ranked 101 out of 120.

Willingham had an excuse with the first three games being against top 25 teams. But to lose to a Stanford team that many had ranked behind the Huskies in preseason Pac-10 polls is unacceptable.

Stanford is a great example of how a coach can invigorate a program. In a season and a half, head coach Jim Harbaugh has four less wins than Willingham has during his UW tenure.

At this point in his career, Willingham has shown himself to be as unqualified coaching major D-I college football program as Sarah Palin is at running for vice president.

It should be mere hours before Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis and his all white jump suit give coach Lane Kiffin the boot. As offense coordinator at USC, Kiffin's teams compiled a 23-3 record. Imagine what he'd do with a healthy Jake Locker. UW should bring Kiffin in immediately. Let him get comfortable with the players in 2008 and kick things into high gear in 2009.

UW football is in shambles. At a time when Seattle sports is desperate for a winner and when the Huskies could potentially recaputre their once iconic status, the team is nowhere to be found.

The time for change is now.

W.O.A.T.

One loss. That's all that stands between the Seattle Mariners and becoming the first team to ever lose 100 games with a $100 million plus payroll.

For a club that many "experts" predicted to make the playoffs, this season hasn't been a disappointment. It's been a colossal failure. A bigger bomb than Speed Racer.

The Mariners are baseball's bridge to nowhere. They have $30 million tied up in Carlos Silva, Miguel Batista and Jarrod Washup. That three-headed monster has gone 13-43 with a 5.80 ERA.

All-Star sluggers Brad Wilkerson, Richie Sexson, Jose Vidro and Kenji Johjima clobbered 24 home runs and hit .225. All that production came at a bargain basement price - $33 million.

But beyond not hitting and not pitching, the M's completely quit on the season around May 1. This is a franchise that has suffered through some truly terrible campaigns. But 2008 is without a doubt the worst ever.

While the franchise record for losses is 104 in 1978, the Mariners haven't dropped 100 in a season since 1983. And during those lean, early years, nothing was really expected from the team.

There were some bad years during the Griffey Era too. The 98 loss 1992 club comes to mind. But at least Griffey could be counted on to potentially do something spectacular every night.

Even during this past five season stretch, there's been something to look forward to.

In 2004 it was Ichiro and his pursuit of the all-time single season hit record. Felix Hernandez burst onto the scene in late 2005 and offered a glimpse into the future. The team hung in the Wild Card race until August of 2006 and stayed on the Angels heels until the last month of 2007.

Aside from predicting which over priced waste of space would get cut first (Sexson, Vidro, etc.), 2008 has given fans nothing to look forward to. Excluding the expansion years, this is the first time that's ever happened for the Mariners.

This is baseball at it's worst. The veterans can't produce. The young guys called up to challenge the veteran's can't produce. And it looks like it will only get worse.

With Raul Ibanez's imminent defection, and a likely off season Adrian Beltre trade, the 2009 Mariners are poised to challenge for the worst record in baseball history. If a lineup featuring Jose Lopez's team leading 15 home runs and Yuniesky Betancourt's .270 OBP isn't scary enough, then another 30 hot dog filled starts courtesy of Carlos Silva should be.

Is Oklahoma City looking for a baseball team too?

Finally, I'd like to bid farewell to Yankee Stadium. The House that Ruth Built never recovered from a 1973 face lift that made it look like baseball's Cat Lady. But despite the botched remodel, the stadium still had more history than any other stadium in the country. It's sad that luxury boxes and motion sensor urinals lead to the demise of the games most storied cathedral.

I feel truly blessed that I got to see it before it became dust.

The New Facebook

It's only fitting that on the night my beloved Facebook becomes "new", I dined over some great Chinese food with a couple whose combined age is 184. Fitting because right now I'm as confused about the new Facebook layout as they are about computers.

Facebook is a global brand. It's surpassed MySpace as the most popular social network on the planet. So why mess with a good thing?

Facebook claims they wanted to make the site clean and simple by reducing clutter. Personally, I'm overwhelmed by the new look. It's more cluttered than the Palin house. And why are my applications called boxes now?

This is like McDonald's deciding to put tofu patties in Big Macs. It's like when you find out that your friend Marvin isn't Marvin anymore. (S)he's Martha.

Now I'm sure Facebook's head honchos are convinced this will be a success. Remember the outrage when the Mini-Feed launched? After fixing some privacy concerns, that turned out to be a vital feature.

The New Facebook will definitely take some getting used to. And if all else fails, Facebook can always take the New Coke route.

Return of the Mack

When Entourage premiered during the summer of 2004, it was an envious, fresh, male-targeted comedy. But after gaining quite the following over the years, the HBO staple clearly lost its way. By last season, almost every episode seemed to follow a generic formula - Turtle and Drama team up for some idiotic scheme, Vince and E put themselves in predicaments, and Ari screams at Lloyd. No matter how bleak things looked, the crew would always come out on top. Nothing bad ever happened. Can't find a plane? Well Kanye will come save the day!

Couple the recycled story lines with the irritating Billy Walsh character, and you're stuck watching a show for old times sake.

So with slight apathy, I checked out Sunday night's Season 5 premiere, and to my surprise, saw everything that originally made Entourage great - Skinemax sex scenes, lavish living and Ari being Ari (I can't believe it took him this long to call Lloyd "Yoko"). Viewers were also treated to the music stylings of Mark Morrison's "Return of the Mack" when E, Ari and Drama went to Mexico to get Vince. It doesn't get better than that!

The first 2 1/2 seasons followed Vince's rise to fame. Now that he's hit bottom after the "Medellin" debacle, it looks like it's back to square one.

Vince might even need to get help from his publicist, Shauna. But considering she's done a complete Judy Winslow, it seems unlikely.

Nevertheless, Episode 55 had me continually looking at the clock on the cable box. Just like with the early episodes, I didn't want this one to end.

Election 2008: A Democrat's View - Part 1

A loyal reader sent this to me. It's my pleasure to pass it along.

This will be the most important election of my life.

Initially, I thought the stakes were on par with the two times W “won”. But after Wednesday night it became crystal clear. If my fellow citizens elect McCain/Palin, we are signing up for four more years.

I felt physically ill watching Rudy Guiliani and Sarah Palin address the hall Wednesday night. The negative speeches delivered with smiles, by both, were full of lies and served only to attack Obama/Biden/Democrats, not explain one single Republican plan.

Rudy proved Biden true by falling back on his crutch of 9/11, completely unable to sell his speech without fear mongering and reminding people of his moment.

In her speech, Palin showed no interest for the environment, the economically downtrodden, the uninsured and the underinsured, ending the war in Iraq in this lifetime, or an entire host of subjects that have been the focal point of this campaign and this country since she was elected Governor of Alaska. Her sharp attacks played well in front of the party. Yet her failure to address a single serious issue will hopefully not go unnoticed.

Bush/McCain/Palin promise everything and say you must surrender nothing. Balance the budget, but no taxes. End the dependence on foreign oil, but no need to fund alternative energy. Health care for all, but no government program. Protect civil liberties, civil rights, choice, equal protection under the law, but more Alito, Scalia, Thomas and Roberts on the bench.

After eight years, are we still buying this BS?

Barack Obama speaks of opportunity, but also of sacrifice. Under Obama, we will restore our standing around the world, attempt to balance the budget, rebuild infrastructure, curtail our dependence on foreign oil, get the troops home, insure our citizens and promote education.

But none of this will happen unless the American people are willing to make a few hard choices along the way.

We must end tax loopholes if we want to fund alternative energy. We must choose how to fund infrastructure repairs and health insurance. We must stop pretending that Social Security and Medicare are solvent and that we can stay in Iraq for 100 years.

Obama has brought a new generation of Americans into the political process. I hope that they speak truth to power and restore sanity in this election.

Thunderful

With the anticipation of a Vin Diesel movie release, the team formerly known as the Seattle Supersonics, officially announced their long unofficial name - the Oklahoma City Thunder.

It's only fitting that a franchise owned by oil rednecks chose a name befitting of a WNBA team (most WNBA team names do not end with a "s"). Along with stealing Seattle's team, OKC also stole the Charlotte Bobcats colors. Wonder what they'll use as a mascot? Youppi?

But congrats should be offered to the OKC oil men. They got what they wanted. It's an absolute certainty now. Has been for a few days.

Because if you were enjoying Labor Day Weekend, you probably missed that former Sonics owner, Howard Schultz, sereptitiously dropped his lawsuit against Clay Bennett and Co. In a last minute attempt to save his coffee soiled rep, Schultz provided an inklining of hope that the Sonics could possibly come back. But as he did when he originally sold the team, Schutlz yet again screwed over the city. At least we can still enjoy those delightful Starbucks breakfast sandwhiches!

Possessing a baseball team poised to acheive the first 100-loss/$100 million payroll season, a college football team that will win 2-4 games and no NBA franchise, I think it's safe to say that Seattle, Washington is TitleTown USA.

A Tale of Two Coaches

Washington Huskies football fans have had some bad luck since the school canned Rick Neuheisel back in 2003. Over the last five plus years, a whopping total of 18 wins can be attributed to the team. The once dominant football powerhouse is now a Pac-10 doormat. And while current coach Tyrone Willingham seems set on surpassing Keith Gilbertson for the worst winning percentage in UW history (Willingham's .440 mark narrowly beats out Gilby's .438), Neuheisel is doing what he does best - win.

Critics argue that Neuheisel is great at coaching player's he inherits, but mediocre at coaching his own players. They'll say he is directly responsible for soiling the image at his previous two head coaching stops, Colorado and Washington. But what can't be criticized is his ability to coach.

In 2000, Neuheisel won 11 games and lead the Huskies to a Rose Bowl victory. Willingham has won 11 games total at UW.

Do you think Willingham could have coached UCLA to a win over #18 Tennessee as Neuheisel did Monday night? He would have probably needed a few more bullets for that.

Willingham is about as friendly as Solange Knowles. He's college football's answer to Bill Belichick. The only diffrence is Belichick wins. Neuheisel is Willingham's polar opposite.

The UW football program is undoubtedly graduating more players and compiling fewer police reports than during the Neuheisel years, and Willingham deserves credit for that. But as fundamentally wrong as it might be, winning is the only thing that matters in college football. And if last week's 44-10 thumping to former rival Oregon is any indication, Willingham once again will be winning very little in 2008.

Neuheisel on the other hand will build upon UCLA's upset victory. No, they won't make the BCS, but don't be surprised if Neuheisel leads them into a bowl game. If only the same thing could be said about UW.

Play It Again

Steeped in tradition, Major League Baseball is generally slow to make changes. Ask a baseball traditionalist about the designated hitter and after a 30-minute rant, you'll understand what I mean. But in recent years, new trends like baggy pants, steroids and Jose Guillen have come along and made the game far more entertaining.

So yesterday's announcement that baseball will start using instant replay on questionable home run calls should be looked at as a positive. The game is evolving, and so are the stadiums. With fans closer to the field, making the right judgment on home runs is as important as ever. As evidenced throughout the last 15 years, umpires are routinely confounded on balls that don't clearly get over the fence.

This is like when Sega added trading players as an option for World Series Baseball 95. Sure, the game play was identical to the 1994 version, but the ability to trade players resulted in hundreds of more hours spent constructing the greatest video game lineup ever (who knew completing a trade for Marty Cordova would be so hard?).

Critics will argue that the human element is being taken away. They'll say it slows down an already slow game. But by limiting the replays to "boundary calls" - basically any uncertain home run call as determined by the game's crew chief, MLB got this one right. It's subtle enough where it will rarely ever impede on a game. Yet having the option could drastically alter the outcome for this year's postseason and beyond.

Team Redeemed?

Back from a near month long bout with writer's block. Wish I had a better excuse than that. Maybe something like announcing my retirement, changing my mind, contemplating taking a $20 million memorabilia deal with Facebook, only to decide I was coming back. But alas, my life is not nearly that exciting.

Luckily, the team known as Redeem stoked my literary fire.

After watching the U.S. Men's basketball squad's gold medal game against Spain, I couldn't help but liken this team to MJ's "Bad" album - over hyped and certainly no "Thriller".

While the Redeem Team sported a roster that featured at least the four best players in the world (Kobe, LeBron, D. Howard, CP3), to frame this team as one devoted to redemption is ridiculous. The scary thing is, the Redeem Team almost gave the gold medal game away to Spain. Early in the fourth quarter, the score stood at 91-89, Redeem Team.

Under no circumstances should the best NBA players ever lose against international competition. There is just too much talent. Most people chalked up the U.S. failures in 2004 and 2006 to clashing egos and teams hastily put together. But the truth is those teams lacked the patriotism needed to excel on an international level. They simply didn't care enough.

As far as international basketball has progressed since the original Dream Team dominated the 1992 Olympics, it still isn't anything to brag about. Take the silver medal winning Spain team. Their best player, Pau Gasol, is a fringe all-star at best. He's no superstar. Aside from Jose Calderon, no other player on Spain would even crack an NBA starting 5. The same goes for every other team that played in the Olympics. No superstars. Not Dirk. Not Yao. Not Vaginobli. Some very good players, yes. But mostly guys that couldn't cut it in the league.

Unless USA basketball wants to get cute and put together a team consisting of Ricky Davis, Melo, Birdman, Robert Swift and Ron Artest, there really should be no scenario where the US men's team doesn't come home with gold. Redemption? More like a duty.

Deadline Dead.

The deadline is over. Manny is still Manny and still in Boston. Jason Bay remains in Pittsburgh. And the Mariners have started the rebuilding process by trading Arthur Rhodes.

UPDATE: Ken Rosenthal is reporting that talks between the Red Sox and the...never mind. Those talks are dead now.

This deadline did prove a little anticlimactic. MLB GM's are clearly unwilling to part with young talent and are resisting bringing in marquee names to do so.

UPDATE: The Boston Globe reports that a Manny deal is done. Go figure.

It's surprising that teams like the Dodgers and the Phillies, both teetering between playoffs and legitimate World Series contender, failed to make a big move.

UPDATE: The Dodgers have acquired Manny. Disregard the previous paragraph. Go Dodgers!

To some surprise, the Mariners only managed to deal Arthur Rhodes. Nice house cleaning. I understand keeping Jarrod Washburn and Adrian Beltre. But I don't understand why they wouldn't deal Raul Ibanez and try to sneak Yuniesky Betancourt on an unsuspecting GM.

Up until the last two months, Washburn has been usually mediocre, with a touch of horrendous during his Mariners career. Dumping Washburn's salary doesn't make sense.

It looks like the M's have realized they cannot count on free agency as the answer to their pitching problems. Taking Washburn's salary off the books clears room for them to overpay on another free agent bust. They already inflated the market by signing Carlos Silva and Miguel Batista to ridiculous contracts. Neither pitcher is currently worthy of calling themself a major leaguer.

So unless they could bring back some prospects for Washburn, the Mariners were better off hanging on to him for next year.

The same goes for Beltre. It's clear that Beltre will never approach his 2004 potentially roided out numbers again. But he's still the fourth or fifth best third baseman in the AL. With nobody waiting in the wings to replace him, and no prospect laden offers for him, the Mariners played it safe and kept him.

For as great a Mariner as Ibanez has been, he fell in the same boat as Rhodes - old, productive and a pending free agent. At the worst, the M's could have dealt him for a prospect and re-signed him after the season. Their thought could be that they're better off with the compensatory draft pick and letting Raul walk. But this is the team that gave Kenji Johjima $24 million to be the worst catcher in the baseball. That probably means Raul has a 5-year deal coming to him.

Regarding Betancourt, he has to go. Even if it's for a bag of baseall's and three packs of Big League Chew. YuBet is not the player everyone thought he was. He swings at every pitch, doesn't get on base and plays erratic defense. If the Mariners want to rid themselves of a contract, it should be his.

The Clock Continues to Tick (2hrs. 30min. left)

More craziness in baseball land...rumor has it that the non contending Toronto Blue Jays are hot for Seattle's Raul Ibanez. Leave it to tough guy GM J.P. Riccardi to get a rent-a-player for no particular reason. Maybe Riccardi wants his successor to get the compensatory draft pick once Ibanez signs with another team in the offseason?

Ken Rosenthal and Jason Stark both say the Manny deal is dead. All that's needed is Buster Olney's confirmation.

As far as previous trades go, the Angels nabbing Mark Teixeira could be just what the Halos need to avoid becoming the Braves of the 2000's. Parting with a solid first baseman like Casey Kotchman might have long term effects, but the Angels needed another bat in that lineup. Teixeira is the first big time bat behind Vlad Guerrero since Jose Guillen went crazy and got kicked off the team four years ago.

The Yankees have gotten themselves a new catcher in Pudge Rodriguez, a new outfielder in Xavier Nady and a new lefty in the pen with Damaso Marte. As always, talk about the Yanks demise was way too soon. Look for a great three-team playoff chase for two spots, ala the NL East.

UPDATE: The Rays are still hot for Jason Bay. Putting Bay in right field would be a huge upgrade for an offense that's struggling right now.

The Clock is Running (3 Hours to go)

Things are getting crazy in deadline land.

Although the major deals (Sabathia to the Brewers/Harden to the Cubs) happened weeks ago, there's still enough time for MLB GM's to make the moves that ultimately get their teams to the postseason...or not.

The big news so far today is the White Sox acquiring Ken Griffey Jr. Sox GM Kenny Williams has been trying off and on to land Griffey for years. This trade does seem a little odd as the Sox have a full outfield with Jermaine Dye, Nick Swisher and Carlos Quentin. They also have Jim Thome occupying the DH role. It seems unimaginable that Griffey would play center, while moving Swisher to first and benching Paul Konerko. But Ozzie Guillen is the manager, so anything is possible. It's also important to note how nasty this team would be if it was 2000, not 2008.

Griffey now looks poised to return to the postseason for the first time since 97. Griffey is having a terrible season so far. At times he's looked old and slow. But a divorce from Cincinatti might be all Junior needs to get going.

At the very least, this trade allows me to bust out my collection of White Sox hats from my Jodeci phase.

On the Manny front, it is clearly a case of Manny being Manny. The deal is dead. It's not dead. Nobody knows. For as much as the BoSox want to leave the Manny circus behind, they are naturally playing this one smart by involving a third team. Leave it to the Pirates to jump in and say they'll gladly take Jeremy Hermida for Jason Bay.

More to come shortly...

"Good golly, Miss Molly!"

Forget losing Kevin Durant, Robert Swift's exotic snake collection, or even Squatch. Aside from the non-competitive basketball on the court, what will truly be missed by all Sonics fans is play-by-play man Kevin Calabro's iconic voice.

Over 21 seasons, Calabro called everything from Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp connecting on devastating alley oops to Vitaly Potapenko securing his place as arguably the worst Euro baller in NBA history.

But instead of following the Sonics (soon to be Shit Kickers or the Thunder) to Oklahoma City, Calabro stood his ground and honored Seattle and the franchise known as the Sonics. Calabro said he won't go if they go.

In staying behind, Calabro has been tapped to become the voice of the Seattle Sounders FC - Seattle's MLS franchise that debuts in 2009. This just doesn't seem right.

Calabro is to basketball as Vin Scully is to baseball. It's like telling Lil' Wayne to cover "Just the Way You Are".

Calabro will go insane calling a 0-0 barn buster. There's no doubt that Calabro will make MLS more exciting than Becks prancing around and getting hurt. But soccer is too boring for Calabro's style.

Calabro needs basketball. Basketball needs Calabro. It doesn't have to be on the pro level. The "Master's League" at the Mercer Island JCC is looking for a new play-by-play man. Sure, it might be a little degrading, but at least it's the right sport.

While having Calabro voicing soccer games will surely attract non soccer fans to the Sounders FC, it won't be the same as having him lose his breath while calling the final 30 seconds in Game 7 of the Western Conference Finals. And it's a damn shame Calabro won't have that chance again.

Stevie Pt. 2

It took Stevie Wonder over 20 years to return to Seattle last summer. So few would have thought that Stevie would be back in less than 11 months. But there he was, perched upon his piano stool, surrounded by an 11-piece band and multiple synthesizers.

Stevie's Friday night concert at Auburn's White River Amphitheater proved to be a nice bookend to last August's concert at Chateau St. Michele that was cut short due to a 10PM politically correct bill(it's from the same bill that states fans cannot boo at Seattle Mariners games).

Knowing that Stevie's previous concert sold out in about 0.7 seconds, I put myself in perfect position to snatch anything I could get my hands on. I failed to realize that the White River has capacity for 20,000, compared to the Chateau's 4,300. I quickly purchased 8 tickets together for $1,200. Then I got buyer's remorse and wanted to make sure I had the best seats. I started searching for a pair. Up came two seats that were better than the original 8. I had to buy those. Then I checked again. Two seats in row 6. I'd have to be an idiot not to bite. Suddenly I had 12 tickets to Stevie and a $2,000 bill.

After unloading 10 tickets, my remaining two just happened to be those sixth row seats. For a genuine Stevie fan like myself, sixth row was an unreal experience.

Stevie started the show off with "As If You Read My Mind" from the Hotter Than July album. An interesting choice to start since it wasn't a single and is one of the album's weaker tracks. Stevie proceeded to stick with the Hotter Than July theme as he ran through nearly half the album to start the show. Since his previous tour focused more on Songs In the Key of Life (in my opinion the second best album ever), the album shift was understandable.

Throughout the show, Stevie interacted with the crowd. At one point he openly wondered how many people in the crowd had made love to his songs (when I'm looking to set the mood, I put on "I Just Called To Say I Love You"). Stevie writes songs that make people cry (Saturn, A Place In The Sun, Lately). Not songs that people make love to. Sorry Stevie.

But Stevie's openness with the crowd took a turn for the worst when someone in his camp agreed to a contest with the local oldies radio station to let listeners vote on a local singer to get on stage and sing with Stevie. All of a sudden, the county fair came to town. Then things got real bad.

During Stevie's encore, one of his backup singers came up and whispered in his ear. Next thing I know, Sanjaya is prancing around the stage, singing "Superstition". My dad put it best when he said, "Having that clown sing with Stevie is like me having you play one-on-one with Kobe. It was a disgrace."

Being such a Stevie enthusiast, I couldn't help but feel like some songs could have been replaced by others. For instance, I've heard "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" a few too many times on FedEx commercials.

Regardless, under no circumstance would I ever pass up a Stevie concert. It could be the In Square Circle Anniversary Tour and I'd still be there. Me and my 12 tickets.

Goodbye My Lover. Goodbye My Friend.

First Seattle loses it's basketball team. Now we lose our stud first baseman. What's next? Microsoft?

Just as quickly as he inked his name to a $50 million contract in 2004, Richmond Lockwood Sexson's storied Seattle Mariners career is over.

Today's news comes right as many were wondering if new GM Lee Pelekoudas planned on making any player moves aside from placing Erik Bedard on the DL. Again.

Sexson's tenure as the M's first baseman got off to a promising start. He clubbed 73 home runs over his first two seasons. But after hitting a paltry .218 pre All-Star game in 2006, Sexson quickly became public enemy #1 for disgruntled fans like myself, who hated watching the team get run into the ground.

While Sexson did rebound in the second half of 06, hitting .322 with an OPS over 1.000, the general argument was he turned it on after the team played itself out of contention.

An absolutely pathetic 2007 saw Sexson hit 35 points below his weight. Most thought this would spell the end for Sexson. But like the guy who spent $3,000 building HD DVD library, then GM Bill Bavasi was too stubborn to know when to cut his losses.

This proved to be unfair for Sexson, Mariners fans and former manager John McLaren, who made the second worst prediction in recent M's history (first place goes to Miguel Batista who boldly claimed the Mariners would become a dynasty).

Sexson's only 33 years old. Chances are he'll sign on with another team and perform well. Rich Aurillia, Scott Spazio and Jeff Cirillo all resureccted their careers after playing the baseball equivalent of "The Love Guru" in Seattle.

Hopefully Sexson is just the start. If anything, Jose Vidro should have been dropped long before Sexson. But with this team, Vidro could easily be batting third until season's end.

Let the rebuilding begin!

4 Minutes to Save His Rep

For the last week, tabloids have been taking batting practice on everyone's favorite Yankee, Alex Rodriguez regarding his marital indiscretions and the possibility that he's dressing up Madonna in his love.

This is newsworthy for the following reasons:

a) It confirms Pay-Rod digs transvestites
b) Following her tryst with Jose Canseco, Madonna has lifted her 20-year moratorium on Latin baseball players
c) Combining Madonna's fake British accent with Pay-Rod's fake persona would arguably create the most irritating couple ever.

This is where sports and Hollywood collide. Remember how well that worked with ESPN Hollywood? This is the slow season for the sports world. Unless you like watching Joey Chestnut gorge hot dogs like Fat Bastard, then baseball is the only thing worth watching. You know SuckCenter producers are jonesing for a way to thrill viewers with, "Who's Now: Celebrity Athlete Couples Edition". Can Nomar and Mia stave off Tony Romo and Joe Simpson? Stay tuned.

It's unfortunate that Rodriguez's marriage is ending due to his "marital misconduct". But at least he's got Kabbalah on his side.

Professional athletes get paid to win games and fill stadiums. And while it's great to have grand visions of them being role models and upstanding citizens, the truth is they rarely are. From Babe Ruth, to the most honest and trustworthy superstar ever, Rodriguez, our sports heroes typically try to score as much with the ladies as they do on the field.

TKO

The skies turned gray. The rolling thunder shook the ground. The lightening blasted through the clouds.

This was the scene hours after the city of Seattle caved in and traded 41 years of memories for $45 million. The skies haven't cleared up since. The basketball Gods are responding.

For anyone who's ever considered themselves a Supersonics fans, they probably feel like someone pinned them down on broken beer bottles and started laying haymakers to their heart.

As bad as it felt watching Dikembe Mutombo lay on the court, holding the ball above his face like he gave birth to electricity when the eighth seed Nuggets beat the top seed Sonics in the first round of the 1994 playoffs, this is infinitely worse.

Sure, the Sonics peacing out seemed like a distinct possibility, but few thought it would conclude like this. The city would have been better off losing the case then taking the greasy, oil stained cash from the Oklahoma City pirates.

What does Seattle plan to do with it's new found wealth? It surely won't go to the bar and restaurant owners around Key Arena who raked in a couple grand extra whenever the Sonics played a home game. What happens when those businesses go in the crapper because the whino throwing back Schlitz beer at the end of the bar is the only one showing up on a regular basis?

Seattle mayor Greg Nickels will probably use some of the loot on the following:

1) Pay off his son's legal bills
2) Daily Krispy Kreme office parties
3) Offer a bonus to newly appointed communications director, Robert Mak

And that doesn't even take into account the extra $30 million the city can net if the NBA doesn't return to Seattle in five years. Think that's happening?

There hasn't been an NFL team in L.A. in 13 years. It took D.C. 34 years to bring back baseball. NBA commish David Stern would rather go clubbing with Stephen Jackson before dealing with the inept politicians from Washington State.

Everyone seemed to make out pretty good on this deal. Former owner Howard Schultz made a tidy profit from the sale. Current owner Clayton Bennett lived out his wet dream and got an NBA team in a fly over state. The city of Seattle got a cool $45 mil.

Everyone made out pretty good except for the fans, the players and Sonics play-by-play man Kevin Calabro. They got screwed.

Newly drafted Russell Westbrook must be thrilled about playing in Oklahoma City. Hope he has a nice pair of shit kickers.

Grown men are fighting back tears on Seattle's sports talk radio station, KJR 950AM. If things seem depressing now, imagine how bleak it will be come November when NBA games start again and Key Arena becomes basketballs Tiger Stadium.

The Sonics provided Seattle with its only major professional sports championship. For the large majority of their 41 years in Seattle, they were the only pro franchise worth following.

And now it's all gone.