Everybody Is A Star

Remember that ex-boyfriend or girlfriend who just won't let it go? You know, the one who's probably fixated upon your Facebook profile right now, hitting refresh every 15 seconds in a self pitying attempt to figure out what you're doing and who you're doing it with. The very same one who sends you text messages at 2:30 AM saying they're at the same resort in Cabo you both went to the year before, and they're walking on the beach. Alone.

Well, the New York Knicks have a crazy ex too. His name is Stephon Marbury. And he has taken it upon himself to go all Glenn Close, ala Fatal Attraction on the Knicks (can't you hear Starbury telling Knicks brass, "I'm not gonna be ignored").

On Tuesday, Starbury, he of the $20,840,625 salary and face of the $14.98 and under Starbury shoe line, decided to stalk his ex at the Staples Center to watch them take on the Lakers.

Earlier this month, the Knicks banned Starbury from team functions. This came as a result of Starbury refusing to go into a game when the team was shorthanded due to injuries and pending trades.

But Starbury wasn't attending the Knicks/Lakers game as a player. He paid for his ticket and took the game in as a "fan".

At halftime, Starbury told reporters, "All I've got to do is get free. Once I get free, the team I'm going to go to, I think a lot of people will be shocked."

Really, Steph? What team could that be? Maybe the Minnesota Timberwolves? That would be a real treat for NBA fans as Starbury could partner with his cousin, Sebastian Telfair, to form the biggest punk backcourt in NBA history. Telfair can be in charge of concealing firearms aboard the team plane and Starbury will monitor the T-Wolves internship program.

The Starbury Saga serves as yet another reminder about what's wrong with the NBA. Guaranteed contracts seemingly guarantee one thing - prima donnas. How someone not affiliated with a golden parachute or AIG can earn $20 million for doing absolutely nothing is a disgrace to humanity.

Countless Americans are struggling like never before and Starbury is prancing around the sidelines, flaunting the fact that he's earning a paycheck to not work.

If David Stern can destroy professional basketball in Seattle, then he surely can step in to this matter, void the remainder of Marbury's contract, and slap him with permanent expulsion for being a punk.

Athlete Behavior 101

Remember the TV show, "Kids Say the Darndest Things"?

I'm thinking about pitching a spin-off called, "Athletes Do the Stupidest Things". The pilot episode will feature embattled New York Giants wide receiver, Plaxico Burress, who thought he needed to pack some heat into a NYC night club, and accidentally popped himself in the leg.

I wish I could make this stuff up. But this actually happened. After all the brilliant crimes committed by not only NFL players, but a gaggle of other professional athletes (i.e. Ugie Urbina and Kobe), one would think that some logic would enter the minds of these highly paid pros.

Apparently not. In many ways, Burress deserves everything headed his way (NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg is angrier than a GM shareholder). If you're stupid enough to bring a gun into a club, then it's only fitting that you shoot yourself in the leg. Life would be far too cruel if Burress had accidentally shot another person.

Of course, there's the argument that the large majority of professional athletes are actually good, law abiding citizens. It's just the select few morons who get all the pub for drowning dogs and brandishing weapons. If anything, pro sports is a microcosm for American life.

But athletes should be held to a higher standard. I don't buy the Charles Barkley "I Am Not A Role Model" credo. These guys are not only role models, but their actions are highly impressionable on kids (I remember screaming like Larry Johnson once after I rejected some kid who was at least half a foot shorter than me).

Wouldn't it be great if we could get through a professional sports season without a domestic abuse charge, weed bust, or a murder?

Hopefully it will happen sooner than later. Because the Michael Vick's and Plaxico Burress' should stand for something aside from sheer stupidity.

They should stand as cautionary tales.

Return to Queens Blvd

After spending seasons three and four recycling storylines, The Entourage needed a complete overhaul. And lucikly it got it (possibly because my dad was removed as executive producer). The HBO comedy came back for season five harder than an Ari Gold gay joke lobbed at Lloyd.

Sunday night's finale, Return to Queens Blvd, was a great bookend to what was arguably Entourage's most well rounded season.

For the first time in the show's history, viewers witnessed Vince going Naomi Campbell and launching a cell phone. Talk about refreshing. Even the obligatory Michael Phelps cameo came off well (good thinking not to give him any lines after his Rosetta Stone debacle).

Some could argue the ending was a little too easy, a little too Entourage-esque. Only on Entourage could Vince go from not even getting a reading, to landing a lead role in a Scorsese flick in the same episode.

Watching the final scene, I couldn't help but realize the finality of this great show. I'd be surprised if Entourage lasts more than another season or two. We saw Vince's rise to fame, followed by his fall. What happens after he rises again (how bout a spinoff featuring Turtle's mom wiretapping his phone sex convos with Meadow Soprano?)?

Regardless, Entourage has cemented itself as the ultimate male-buddy show. It's Sex and the City with testosterone and hotter chicks.

And that's a show worth supporting.

808s & Heartbreak

Kanye West is the brightest star in the universe.

At least that's what a robot claimed on his last tour.

The Luis Vuitton Don won't hesitate to laud himself any chance he gets. A few weeks ago, he determined he was the 'voice of this generation'. Some call it arrogance. Some call it delusion. But if Kanye keeps producing albums like his latest, and most ambitious album, 808s & Heartbreak, he can say whatever he wants.

Just 15 months since dropping Graduation, Mr. West, Mr. West, Mr. Fresh, Mr. by-his-self-he-so impressed, has entered an artistic stratosphere that few have ventured.

808s is unlike anything Kanye, or any other musician has ever released. For someone who spent the early part of his career as a producer and a musician seemingly sticking to the exact same formula (you can't say that Dialated Peoples "This Way" and Talib Kweli's "Get By" aren't more or less the same song), that is quite the achievement,

This could come off like Styx's Kilroy Was Here. People will either get it, or they won't. Auto-Tune isn't for everyone.

From my highly biased state, I can honestly deem 808s as the most open and honest relationship album since Marvin's brilliant Here My Dear.

You won't find anything like "The New Workout Plan" or "Good Life"on this album. Kanye's in a dark place. "Paranoid" is an amped up Terminator Soundtrack cut that gets Rick Rolled - "All of the time he be up in my checking through my cell phone, baby no/You wanna kill the vibe on another night/ here's another fight, oh here we go". Sound familiar?

When Kanye sings "It's 4AM and I can't sleep/Her love is all that I can see", on "Coldest Winter", you know someone sliced open his chest with a scalpel, pulled it apart and yanked out his battered heart.

You might think Kanye should stick to rapping over what he's currently doing (he calls it 'pop art'). But regardless, he deserves respect for having the vision to take a chance on a true artistic gem.

Four Syllables to Save The Franchise

Now that the Mariners managerial version of "American Idol" is over, it seems like the new regime lead by GM Jack Zduriencik has one thing the organization hasn't had in over five years - a clear vision.

By naming Don Wakamatsu field manager, Zduriencik rebuffed the popular, politically correct choice in former fan favorite, Joey Cora, and stuck with who he deemed right for the job. This is the most important choice Zduriencik will make, so it's imperative that he gets what he wants in this situation.

For most M's fans like myself, Cora would have been a great first step at trying to smooth things over with a disenchanted fan base (Junior of course would be step two). Cora represents winning more than any other Mariners second baseman. The image of Cora crying after the M's got bounced after the 95 playoffs personifies Cora's devotion to winning. A team that just dropped 101 games could use some of that.

But there is a lot to be excited about with Wakamatsu. For the first time ever, the M's have decided to cherry pick from the organization that consistently outperforms them in every way on 1/3 the budget. Aside from Art Howe, anyone recently associated with the Oakland A's franchise is undoubtedly a cut above anything the Mariners have produced.

Wakamatsu's experience as a catcher also bodes well. Current MLB managers with catching experience include Mike Scioscia, Joe Torre and Joe Maddon. Not a bad group to join.

Wakamatsu also has a four syllable last name. Ron Gardenhire is the only other current MLB manager who can say that. So Wakamatsu has that going for him as well.

Zduriencik could have brought in a crony from his Brewers days like Ned Yost, or a retread like Bobby Valentine. That would have been the easy way out. He obviously sees something in Wakamatsu that's worth putting his GM career on the line for.

And that's something Mariners fans should get behind.

The Trifecta

Much has been made about the sorry state of Seattle sports. The 24-hour period from Saturday night to Sunday night served to solidify one thing - we really suck right now.

The Husky football team, the Husky men's basketball team and the city's saviors, those lovable Seahawks all suffered crushing defeats.

For Husky football, their loss to UCLA and former coach/pariah, Rick Neuheisel, marks an embarrassing end to the last four years worth of embarrassing home losses for Tyrone Willingham's embarrassing teams.

The Husky basketball team, thought by many (including myself) to be the potential ray of sunshine in this otherwise constant low 50's with a high chance of rain and wind forecast, imploded against the University of Portland.

And the Seahawks pretty much mailed in the season against the NFC West leading Arizona Cardinals in a 20-26 uphill struggle.

Oh, we can't forget the Sonics. Wait. Never mind.

This weekend felt like being treated to a triple showing of Rocky Balboa with your eyelids taped open. You know Rocky's over matched and Mason "The Line" Dixon is going to beat up on a 60-year-old with brain damage. But you watch anyway.

We can sit here and call Tyrone Willingham worthless, or pop off about how the Seahawks still have a running game that's suitable for the Lingerie Bowl.

But I offer an alternative.

Let's remember how great it felt when the Dawgs knocked off Purdue in the 2001 Rose Bowl and finished the season ranked number three.

Let's remember when the Brandon Roy led basketball team played a high energy, hard nosed style and made more than half of their free throws.

Let's remember the Hawks absolutely dominating the entire NFL in 2005, and capping it off with a convincing win over the Panthers to win the NFC title.

Just for good measure, let's remember Junior's giant smile after he scored the winning run in the do-or-die game 5 against the Yankees in the 1995 ALDS.

Let's remember the 2001 M's team that won 116 games. 116 games! How cool is that?

And let's remember our dearly missed Sonics. Let's remember a freshly blazed Sam Perkins stroking clutch threes to get the Supes within a game of the Finals.

Let's remember The Reign Man and these unreal dunks too.

Tough times don't last. Things will get better.

The Final Countdown

As I sit in the nation's capitol on the eve before the most important election of my lifetime (yes, even more important than the 2004 election, which used to be the most important election), my mind is teetering somewhere between sheer exuberance and sheer horror.

America is hurting. The last eight years have left us with a downtrodden economy, a depleted military and any number of embarrassments that have taken place in that span(I'll need a separate post to go into them). We're better than this. This isn't my America.

Whether you're a republican, democrat, libertarian, socialist, communist, elitist, or a maverick, you'd have to have your head so far up your ass to deem otherwise.

I often talk about what I would give to experience a professional sports championship (I really felt for those "tortured" Philly fans. Try being a Seattle sports fan). But a victory tomorrow night would be infinitely better than a title in Seattle. I'm talking a MJ, 1991 Finals winning reaction.

This is a win for my country. And nothing can top that.