What A Day!

Within two hours on Monday, the Seattle sports scene gained a 2010 Heisman candidate and a 2010 Cy Young candidate. I guess this really is the most wonderful time of the year. It's like being those two con artists who crashed the White House state dinner and being told that all is forgotten...and you're being named co-secretaries of the newly established "Party Planning Committee" for the White House.

On the same day ESPN's Todd McShay projected him as the top pick for the 2010 NFL Draft, Washington Huskies quarterback Jake Locker opted to forgo millions of dollars to try and establish himself as a Husky legend for his senior season.

Coming off an unreal game against then #19 Cal where he gave fans a glimpse of how good he could be, Locker is poised to lead the Huskies to what will hopefully be their best season since 2000.

As far as the Mariners stunning trade for Cliff Lee, the only question that remains is when can we erect a bronze statue in front of Safeco Field for GM Jack Zduriencik?

Coincidentally enough, I was having lunch with a fellow Mariners fan on Monday and mentioned how I was disappointed the M's didn't land Rich Harden - but figured there was some reason for holding off because Jack Z is brilliant and only makes shrewd decisions.

Upon leaving lunch, I got a text from another friend informing me that the M's just traded for Cliff Lee. I more or less reacted like Rod Tidwell in "Jerry Maguire"after finding out that he got the contract extension he wanted from Arizona. Getting Lee is that big.

The Mariners now have a 1-2 pitching duo that rivals the best in baseball. It also continues a trend by Jack Z who continues to defy the loser mentality of spending three to four years as a bottom feeder, while the franchise "rebuilds".

Lee is the perfect complement to Felix Hernandez and a young pitching staff. And with his $8.1 million salary for 2010, Lee is not only cost effective, but he has more wins from 2007-2009 than Jarrod Washburn, Miguel Batista and Double-Stuff Silva combined (Lee: 36/$30 million in annual salary: 30. Thanks, Bavasi!).

Not only that, but Jack Z is giving the big f-you to the Los Angeles Angeles of Rancho Cucamonga and Orange County. Jack Z stole their ultra versatile spark plug, Chone Figgins by signing him to a four-year free agent contract. And now the Angels have not only lost their best starter in John Lackey, but they failed to land Roy Halladay as a replacement. (To their credit, the Angels did sign Hideki Matsui. So watch out).

The Mariners still have vacancies at first base, left field and possibly third base (depending on where Figgins plays). The genius of Jack Z is not done.

At this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if he finds a cure for baldness.

Top 5 Ways Tiger Can Redeem Himself

Well it turns out that Tiger Woods is human after all.

Following a long tradition of philandering professional athletes, Tiger's admittance, and the subsequent throng of women who are coming out from every orifice, have somehow humanized him.

The carefully crafted image portraying Tiger as this Ivan Drago-esque golf tournament winning machine is obviously not entirely accurate. Who knew he was playing

Tiger makes mistakes. And he's doing the right thing by admitting wrongdoing and accepting responsibility (under the same circumstances serial philanderer Michael Jordan would have blamed Bryon Russell).

Hopefully Tiger learns from his mistakes and becomes a better husband and a better father.

But until then, here are five ways Tiger can get himself back in his wife Elin's good graces:

5. Carefully state the following: "Hey, at least I'm not Phil Mickleson!"

4. Stand in front of the TV while Elin is playing Tiger Woods Golf on the Wii.

3. Buy her this wonderful undergarment.

2. Agrees to be a contestant on "Tool Academy".

1. Record Drake's"Best I Ever Had" and post it on his website. ("Elin you da best/You da fucking best/Best I ever had/Best I ever had").

Tiger's Growl

It's a given that professional athletes are magnets for all kinds of controversy. Money problems, drug abuse, physical assault, sexual assault, even murder. It's happened before. And it will happen again.

But at the bottom of the list of professional athletes most likely to become embroiled in any controversy whatsoever would be Tiger Woods. Well, at least until last Friday when news leaked that he had been "seriously" injured in a car accident.

Thanks to the media's always responsible reporting, we now know that the injuries to Tiger weren't "serious" after all. Regardless, Tiger has now gotten himself embroiled in a controversy that's about as awkward as the dude in the UPS commercials hair.

Here's my take on what happened:

Upon confessing to his wife Elin that he was having an affair, Elin picked up the nearest 9-iron she could find, and cracked Tiger in the face with it.

Stunned and staggered, Tiger made a valiant effort to reach his 2009 Escalade. Elin chased him to the car, bashed out the back window with the 9-iron and started going to work on the rest of the car.

Tiger was already in and out of consciousness when he attempted to book it in his car. So when Tiger drove into the tree, it was at a relatively slow speed. The impact itself from the car on tree collision didn't cause his facial lacerations. It was most likely from the 9-iron slamming into his head.

And that's what went down. (What can I say? I watch a lot of "Dexter").

Surely, we potentially could find out much more as to what really lead Tiger to run into a parked tree at 2:30 A.M. the morning after Thanksgiving (probably an eggnog run).

But a more likely outcome is that the ultra private Tiger will refuse to directly address the incident, instead hoping that all will be forgotten in due time.

Ray Lewis murdered a man. Kobe Bryan raped a girl. Alex Rodriguez cheated on baseball and cheated on his wife. All three won championships after their transgressions. Few people care, or even bring up the stunts they pulled.

So when Tiger is putting on the green jacket at the 2010 Masters, the first thing that will come to mind won't be, "I wonder if Tiger is an eggnogoholic?".

It will be that he's the greatest golfer who ever lived.

Not The Cy...Yet

A widely assumed rumor became fact on Wednesday when Zack Grienke, the best thing to happen to the Kansas City Royals since Danny Tartabull, won the first Cy Young by a K.C. player since Bret Saberhagen in 1989.

The vote wasn't even close. Grienke received all but three first-place nods. Two went to Felix Hernandez and one went to Justin Verlander.

And while it's hard to dispute Grienke's phenomenal season (especially his absurd 0.84 ERA and 8-1 record through his first ten starts), the overall vote should have been closer.

Now I realize I'm about as partial on this subject as Sarah Palin is to inbreeding. But King Felix pitched his ass off, and deserved more than two crappy first-place votes. If anything, he deserved to win the Cy Young as much as Grienke.

The stat boys are rejoicing that cute acronyms like VORP (Value Over Replacement Player), WPA (Win Probability Added) and WAR (Wins Above Replacement), took on more importance this year than actual wins. Be as it may, there is a place for those stats.

But the one category that seemingly every member of the voting panel ignored was the glaring difference in Meaningful Games Pitched (MGP). Okay, I made that stat up. It still should stand for something though.

Because by my count, King Felix pitched in 30 meaningful games. And time after time, Felix came through like the stud he is in those games.

Grienke pitched in one meaningful game - the final game of the season, when there was some decent chatter about how his low win total (16) might prevent him from winning the Cy Young. All Grienke did was give up four runs in six innings, en route to a no-decision.

True, it's not Grienke's fault that he played for a crap team. But the Royals would have sucked with or without Grienke. The Mariners would have sucked without Felix, but were in a pennant race until September because of him.

That simple fact apparently was lost on the voters. So Grienke winning the Cy is the baseball equivalent to Charlize Theron winning the Best Actress Oscar for "Monster". Great performance. Poor movie.

Felix picked a bad year to be great. But if 2009 is an indication of how good he can be, there will be many more Cy Young Awards for Felix to win.

One More Year

Seattle's greatest sports icon is coming back. Again. For the second time.

Despite much speculation that Ken Griffey Jr. would come back for his 22nd big league season, nothing was certain until today when Junior and the Mariners agreed to another one-year contract.

Unlike last season when Atlanta tried to play grab ass with Griffey, the M's seemed like the only logical destination if Junior was interested in playing again.

Junior's 2009 season was a resounding success. His contributions on and off the field helped transform a franchise that was on the brink of becoming as insignificant as the Royals and the Pirates.

Generally sequels don't pan out (Ocean's 12 anyone?). But the circumstances surrounding this sequel are by and large far superior than a junk script that featured Julia Roberts playing a character who was posing as Julia Roberts.

Last year, Junior wasn't sure where, or if he would even be playing. And he made the most of his time off by indulging in his culinary interests.

Fresh off minor knee surgery, Griffey now has almost four full months to get himself into great shape for the 2010 season.

After watching Pay-Fraud win a World Series, Junior is most likely as hungry as he's ever been for the only accolade missing from his long list of accomplishments.

And if you think the M's are that far off from a World Series, think again. This team battled for 85 wins this year. GM Jack Zduriencik now has the entire off season and about $40 million that he didn't have last year to work his magic. If Jack Z can find a way to get 7-10 more wins from this team, then we're talking playoffs.

Considering Anaheim's pending roster overhaul with the possible departures of Vlad Guerrero, Chone Figgins and John Lackey, the playoffs don't seem so unlikely for the Mariners.

For all the dbags out there, bitching that Junior is taking up a roster spot, I offer the following - we're giving Carlos Silva a roster spot and an unlimited supply of Double Stuff Oreos. Last year, we wasted roster spots on guys like Yuniesky Betancourt and my heart belongs to the Ronny Cedeno.

It's not like the Mariners are taking Junior over Albert Pujols. Is there a better DH, pinch-hitting option available on the open market? Griffey showed pop, patience and infected the clubhouse with his care-free, fun-loving attitude.

There is absolutely no downside to bringing Junior back for another season. If you disagree, then you hate Seattle, hate baseball and probably hate America.

Finally, for all the other Griffey supporters out there, it has come to my attention that the Niketown in Seattle currently sports a giant picture of Roger Federer atop the building. Leave it to Seattle to feature a Swiss tennis star who has the personality of Audrina from "The Hills"to represent its city.

Federer needs to be replaced with Griffey. It's as simple as that.

Number 27

In one of the most unremarkable postseasons in baseball history, it only seems fitting that the franchise that has won 17 more World Series than any other team, captured yet another.

And truth be told, the Yankees aren't nearly as intolerable as they were in the late 90's, early 2000's. Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada and Andy Pettitte are all professionals in the truest sense.

A lot has changed in baseball since the Yankees won their last World Series. Revenue sharing has leveled the playing field enough that Phillies were the first World Series champ since the 2001 Yankees to even get a chance to defend their title in the World Series the following year.

The Red Sox have won two World Series, and their fans have overtaken Yankee fans as the most obnoxious in professional sports.

The Yanks deserved to win the World Series. They had a relentless, unforgiving offense, and a pitching staff that despite being a few arms short, dug deep and got quality innings from everyone not named Chien Ming Wang.

The only thing that is foul about this Yankees team wining the World Series is that Pay-Fraud now has the one accolade missing from his trophy case. It seems eons ago that Pay-Fraud was making up B.S. stories about his steroid abuse. How easy we forget.

After crippling the Rangers with his gargantuan contract, it didn't seem fair that Pay-Fraud got to play on the Yankees. But a funny thing happened - they couldn't win anything with him. Not only that, but Pay-Fraud routinely choked in October. It was karma.

So Pay-Fraud winning a World Series is akin to Heidi Montag winning a Grammy for Album of the Year.

And for all the hatred people have for the Yankees, one thing that can't be denied is the Yankees are good for baseball. There are as many fans who want to see the Yanks lose as there are fans who want to see them win. What other pro sports team evokes such emotions?

Just the damn Yankees.

One-Way Ticket to Japan

The Seattle Mariners spent the years 2004-2008 making mediocre and down right crappy baseball players very rich men.

Scott Spazio. Rich Aurillia. Richie Sexson. Adrian Beltre. Carl Everett. Jarrod Washburn. Miguel Batista. Jeff Weaver. Carlos Silva. Brad Wilkerson. And of course, Kenji Johjima. Hundreds of millions of dollars were showered upon these players who either completely failed to produce, or completely failed produce numbers in line with their enormous salaries.

So Monday's news that catcher Kenji Johjima would be returning to Japan, effectively leaving nearly $16 million on the table, it felt like some sort of karmic redemption.

Signed before the 2006 season, Johjima was touted as a solid offensive addition at a premium position. And while Johjima did produce good offensive numbers during his first two years in navy blue and northwest green, what offensive upgrade he provided, was negated by the fact that the language barrier between Johjima and fellow Mariners pitchers resulted in far more runs than Johjima could generate with his bat.

Johjima was a gimmick. A gimmick that got much worse once he signed a 3-year, $24 million contract extension, despite hitting .194 at the time.

The first Japanese catcher to play in the Major Leagues, Johjima presumably only garnered serious interest from the only Japanese owned baseball team (Hey, he can be a playmate for Ichiro!).

Let's get one thing straight: despite claims to the contrary, Mariners GM Jack Zduriencik is probably somewhere dipping Double Stuff Oreos in milk with Carlos Silva.

How often does a general manager get $16 million thrown his way? Michael Vick had to kill dogs in order for the Atlanta Falcons to recoup the money from his contract. The Knicks only got $2 million back from the waste known as Stephon Marbury.

Coming off a remarkable 85-win season, the Mariners are now flush with cash. Beltre, Batista, Washburn and Johjima are now all off the books. That's nearly $40 million Zduriencik has to play with. Johjima's departure is also significant because it means the only remaining bone headed contract from the Bill Bavasi era belongs to Carlos Silva.

The M's will now presumably look in house to replace Johjima. Rob Johnson calls the best game in baseball, but hits a baseball as well as Stephanie Pratt drives drunk. He's also undergoing more surgeries this offseason than MJ had in any given month.

Adam Moore has hit well in the minors, but didn't get enough at-bats during a late season call up to show he can hit consistently.

Fear not though. You know what's great about having the best GM in baseball? There's no reason to fear that he'll sign a non english speaking catcher.