Tiger's Growl

It's a given that professional athletes are magnets for all kinds of controversy. Money problems, drug abuse, physical assault, sexual assault, even murder. It's happened before. And it will happen again.

But at the bottom of the list of professional athletes most likely to become embroiled in any controversy whatsoever would be Tiger Woods. Well, at least until last Friday when news leaked that he had been "seriously" injured in a car accident.

Thanks to the media's always responsible reporting, we now know that the injuries to Tiger weren't "serious" after all. Regardless, Tiger has now gotten himself embroiled in a controversy that's about as awkward as the dude in the UPS commercials hair.

Here's my take on what happened:

Upon confessing to his wife Elin that he was having an affair, Elin picked up the nearest 9-iron she could find, and cracked Tiger in the face with it.

Stunned and staggered, Tiger made a valiant effort to reach his 2009 Escalade. Elin chased him to the car, bashed out the back window with the 9-iron and started going to work on the rest of the car.

Tiger was already in and out of consciousness when he attempted to book it in his car. So when Tiger drove into the tree, it was at a relatively slow speed. The impact itself from the car on tree collision didn't cause his facial lacerations. It was most likely from the 9-iron slamming into his head.

And that's what went down. (What can I say? I watch a lot of "Dexter").

Surely, we potentially could find out much more as to what really lead Tiger to run into a parked tree at 2:30 A.M. the morning after Thanksgiving (probably an eggnog run).

But a more likely outcome is that the ultra private Tiger will refuse to directly address the incident, instead hoping that all will be forgotten in due time.

Ray Lewis murdered a man. Kobe Bryan raped a girl. Alex Rodriguez cheated on baseball and cheated on his wife. All three won championships after their transgressions. Few people care, or even bring up the stunts they pulled.

So when Tiger is putting on the green jacket at the 2010 Masters, the first thing that will come to mind won't be, "I wonder if Tiger is an eggnogoholic?".

It will be that he's the greatest golfer who ever lived.