Bringing It Back

They did it! The Mariners finally came to their senses and signed a former All-Star, once considered one of the most feared hitters in the AL. My prayers have been answered. This is a great day for Mariners fans. Almost as good as the time Omar Vizquel had a conniption fit over Arthur Rhodes' bling.

Thursday's Mike Sweeney signing can be looked at from two perspectives:

1) It's a low cost, high upside deal that could pan out if Sweeney can stay healthy for more than 127 games (something he hasn't done since 2001).
2) The Mariners are definitely not bringing back Griffey.

The second perspective might be a pipe dream at this point. I had a conspiracy theory going on in my little brain last week that revolved around the giant Raul Ibanez billboard not being replaced immediately because it would soon adorn Junior's likeness.

Much to my dismay, a Felix Hernandez billboard showed up a few days before the Mariners annual Fan Fest.

The most irritating thing about the Junior saga is that the Mariners have yet to rule out a Griffey return. It's like they're purposely leading on the guy who bought season tickets under the assumption that Griffey would return, making his tickets a Willy Wonka golden (Not me. I swear. Although I can't deny it's under consideration).

While the Sweeney signing proves that Zduriencik is infinitely more competent than former GM Bill Bavasi (you know Bavasi would have given Sweeney a 3-year deal worth no less than $30 million), it does beg the question of why the hell haven't the Mariners signed Griffey?

At this point in his career, Griffey is far better than Sweeney. Junior's last good season was 2007 when he belted 30 bombs and knocked in 93. Sweeney hasn't been productive since 2005.

Yes, Sweeney signed a minor league deal - something Griffey is undoubtedly too proud to accept. So this contract is a win-win for the Mariners because Sweeney will either shatter his ankle going up the dugout steps in Peoria and get cut, or he will make the team, earn a few hundred AB's, and break his ankle going up the dugout steps at the Safe.

With Spring Training about a month away, the time bomb known as my annual Bring Back Griffey campaign is about to self destruct.

Blowout

During the 12-week SportsCenter hype fest interlude in between the Confernce Championship Games and the Super Bowl,the story about the Texas high school girls basketball game that resulted in a 100-0 victory for Covenant School over Dallas Academy has been big news. You read that right. The score really was 100-0.

Getting shut out for the entire game is like going to a bar and not hearing "Don't Stop Believing". Rod Blagojevich has a better chance of being elected President. Zero points? How does that happen?

How do you not score a single basket? That defies all logic. There wasn't a defensive series where Covenant didn't get a little lackadaisical? A foul wasn't called when a Dallas Academy player drove to the basket, only to get the ball rejected off her face?

While it's unfortunate that this game got so out of control, resulting in Covenant coach, Micah Grimes being fired for unapologetically running up the score, there are others deserving blame in this mess.

Why does the Dallas Academy coach get to keep his job? His team didn't score one point! I didn't realize Buttermaker from Bad News Bears coached girls basketball during the off-season.

And what about the refs? They have ample influence on how games are played. They couldn't have squeezed some mercy points for Dallas Academy? They should lose their jobs too.

Granted, Dallas Academy hasn't won a game in four years. But at least they scored in all those other games.

No team deserves to lose in such an embarrassing fashion. There are good winners and there are good losers. Both scenarios involve being gracious and embracing good sportsmanship. Win or lose, hold your head up high and play the game right. Can that be said for either team?

Covenant didn't have to score 100 just to score 100. An 80-0 victory would have sufficed. But Dallas Academy could have put some points on the board too.

You Only Live Once

Following the Obama love fest known as Inauguration, I partook in arguably the stupidest thing I've done in a long time.

Maybe it was my liberal juices in overdrive? I had also just ingested half an apple fritter and a peanut butter and jelly roll from Winchell's. The sugar possibly could have clouded my judgment.

So when I walked outside and a fellow Obama supporter asked me if I wanted to take a spin on his motor scooter, the only thing that came to my mind was, "you only live once".

The closet comparison to this motor scooter would be the one Harry and Lloyd drove to Aspen in Dumb and Dumber. Coincidentally enough, both motor scooters get 70 MPG.

After strapping on the bright yellow helmet, I proceeded to embark on a one block journey, featuring many fits and stops and frequent breaking with my right leg. Now my right hip feels like someone forced me to do this great party trick. Go figure!

I should have known better. I've been quick to judge Jay Williams, Kellen Winslow XXIV and Ben Roethlisberger for being idiots on motor bikes.

The moral of the story: while you do only live once, unless you're Jesus or Bobby Ewing, you also only die once.

We've Only Just Begun

This is really happening. It still seems too good to be true. Today's inauguration is a celebration for everything that's great in our country.

Soon to be president Obama is a global superstar. He's MJ post-Thriller, pre-Bad. We all know how that turned out. Luckily, Barack doesn't have a yearning for major reconstructive plastic surgery, zoo animals, or Jesus Juice.

Maybe this is my crazy lib side talking, but if this isn't inspiring, if this hisotric moment doesn't conjure up even the least bit of patriotism, then I must be more out of touch than I generally think I am.

On a sidenote: How pissed are the Skinheads right now? Seriously. It's great. This is the all-time fuck you to anyone who believes in "white supremacy". It's on par with Jake and Elwood driving through the Nazi parade in Blues Brothers.

For the first time in about eight years, I listened to Marvin Gaye's "Inner City Blues (Make Me Wanna Holla)" and didn't feel like it applied to our current situation. In fact, I used to be amazed at how 40 years after it's recording, the entire "What's Going On?" album sadly continued to resonate. That's over now.

But for all the promise Obama brings, until anything changes - until people stop losing their jobs, their homes and their money, he is all hype.

Hype isn't such a bad thing. It's far better than an inaugural parade featuring Wilford Brimley, Heidi Montag and Daddy Yankee. Now that would just be a damn shame.

So for today, I'll take the hype. And I enthusiastically await to see what the next four years have in store.

Run Rickey, Run

Rickey Henderson got word Monday on what Rickey Henderson already knew long ago. Rickey Henderson is a Hall of Famer.

While the 2009 MLB HOF election rightly selected Red Sox great Jim Rice, one has to ask how a player as transcendent as Henderson (both on the field and in person) only appears on 94.8 percent of voters' ballots.

Henderson is undoubtedly the greatest leadoff hitter ever. But aside from that, a very strong argument could be made that he's one of the greatest players ever as well. There is no comparable player in baseball history. Who else can make that claim?

Rickey hit for power. Rickey hit for average. Rickey got on base. Rickey stole bases like Bernie Madoff stole money. Rickey was an All-Star. Rickey won Gold Gloves. Rickey won a MVP. Rickey won World Series. And most important, Rickey was Rickey.

So it seems rather absurd that 28 members of the Baseball Writers Association of America deemed Rickey unworthy of being a first ball Hall of Famer.

Yes, Rickey played about five years too many (I don't think he ever officially retired). But is it fair that some 250-pound sports writer from Birmingham who eats Tony Roma's and sucks down Cold Stone six times a week can vote "no" on Rickey for any assortment of reasons (my favorite is the ever present rocky relationship with the media cop-out)?

Everyone rightfully criticizes the BCS for being a complete farce. Computers clearly can't determine a true college football national champion. But for the Hall of Fame, computers make sense.

Think about it. In a sport as entrenched in numbers as baseball is, wouldn't computers be the logical choice for determining who makes it into the sacred Hall?

Jim Rice had to wait 15 years to gain election (the longest I've ever waited for anything is the nearly two year gap from Season 5 to Season 6 of Sopranos). And in the 15 years it took for Rice to push his way in, his career numbers stayed exactly the same.

Computers would surely elect Andre Dawson and Bert Blyleven - two players who should be in but may never make it.

Set the program to eliminate the roiders (sorry Mark "I'm not here to talk about the past" McGwire).

Let the numbers speak for themselves and within their historical context.

Because if anyone deserved to be elected with 100 percent certainty, it was Rickey.

The Curious Case of Ken Griffey Jr.

Not all mistakes are built to last.

Almost nine years ago, the Seattle Mariners traded their best player in franchise history to the Cincinnati Reds. At the time, the deal seemed like a coup for the Reds. They snagged baseball's marquee player. A 30-year-old superstar who appeared well on his way to demolishing Hank Aaron's all-time home run mark.

The Mariners got the baseball equivalent to a bag of movie popcorn that's half filled with overly salted kernels (OK it wasn't that drastic. But that trade was essentially Mike Cameron for Ken Griffey Jr. That's like the Lakers trading Kobe for Ricky Davis).

I remember how I felt after hearing the trade went down. The singular force for me having any interest in baseball was gone. I couldn't believe it. I knew it was a mistake.

In the ensuing years, while many "Mariners fans" gloated about how the team was far better without Griffey, I maintained that Griffey belonged in Seattle, and the franchise would have at least one World Series title with him.

Since 2004, I have actively campaigned for the M's to bring Griffey home (I even spent 2 hours in a sweltering Caribbean bar waiting on an ESPN Deportes story regarding the possibility that Junior might be interested in a return to Seattle).

This year is no different. So once again, I am publicly advocating for the return of Ken Griffey Jr. to Seattle.

The Mariners need Griffey as much as he needs them. By losing Raul Ibanez to free agency, the M's anemic offense is currently fit to battle the cast of Gossip Girl in a home run derby. Last season's fatal flaw was not filling the gaping whole in the lineup left by Crazy Jose Guillen. They can't afford to make the same mistake twice.

Critics will argue that signing Griffey will be no more than a publicity stunt - an easy way to put fans in the seats, or a "typical" Mariners politically correct signing. But is that such a bad thing? The team needs to make money in order to keep feeding Carlos Silva Double Stuffed Oreos. And if one thing is for certain, it's that Griffey is recession proof.

They say Griffey is way over the hill. While his .249 batting average, 18 home runs 71 RBI's and .778 OPS supportthat claim, a bothersome knee is largely to blame for the dramatic fall off in production compared to his 2007 numbers (.277, 30, 93, .868).

Junior can DH and play some spot left and center when needed. Safeco Field was built for his left handed power stroke.

Money isn't a motivating factor. From all reports, it seems like Junior just wants to play. By signing Pat Burrell, the Rays have effectively bowed out of the running. And going back to the NL is an accident waiting to happen. Junior can be had for probably $7 million plus incentives.

The Mariners offer Junior not only the best chance to play, but also the only chance to properly end his career.

This story needs a happy ending. I know I shouldn't put my faith in heroes. But I can't see Junior any other way.

I know I'm right. I feel it. I see it. I believe this with all my heart and soul.

Hopefully, the people who can do something about it feel the same way.