Tiger's Growl

It's a given that professional athletes are magnets for all kinds of controversy. Money problems, drug abuse, physical assault, sexual assault, even murder. It's happened before. And it will happen again.

But at the bottom of the list of professional athletes most likely to become embroiled in any controversy whatsoever would be Tiger Woods. Well, at least until last Friday when news leaked that he had been "seriously" injured in a car accident.

Thanks to the media's always responsible reporting, we now know that the injuries to Tiger weren't "serious" after all. Regardless, Tiger has now gotten himself embroiled in a controversy that's about as awkward as the dude in the UPS commercials hair.

Here's my take on what happened:

Upon confessing to his wife Elin that he was having an affair, Elin picked up the nearest 9-iron she could find, and cracked Tiger in the face with it.

Stunned and staggered, Tiger made a valiant effort to reach his 2009 Escalade. Elin chased him to the car, bashed out the back window with the 9-iron and started going to work on the rest of the car.

Tiger was already in and out of consciousness when he attempted to book it in his car. So when Tiger drove into the tree, it was at a relatively slow speed. The impact itself from the car on tree collision didn't cause his facial lacerations. It was most likely from the 9-iron slamming into his head.

And that's what went down. (What can I say? I watch a lot of "Dexter").

Surely, we potentially could find out much more as to what really lead Tiger to run into a parked tree at 2:30 A.M. the morning after Thanksgiving (probably an eggnog run).

But a more likely outcome is that the ultra private Tiger will refuse to directly address the incident, instead hoping that all will be forgotten in due time.

Ray Lewis murdered a man. Kobe Bryan raped a girl. Alex Rodriguez cheated on baseball and cheated on his wife. All three won championships after their transgressions. Few people care, or even bring up the stunts they pulled.

So when Tiger is putting on the green jacket at the 2010 Masters, the first thing that will come to mind won't be, "I wonder if Tiger is an eggnogoholic?".

It will be that he's the greatest golfer who ever lived.

Not The Cy...Yet

A widely assumed rumor became fact on Wednesday when Zack Grienke, the best thing to happen to the Kansas City Royals since Danny Tartabull, won the first Cy Young by a K.C. player since Bret Saberhagen in 1989.

The vote wasn't even close. Grienke received all but three first-place nods. Two went to Felix Hernandez and one went to Justin Verlander.

And while it's hard to dispute Grienke's phenomenal season (especially his absurd 0.84 ERA and 8-1 record through his first ten starts), the overall vote should have been closer.

Now I realize I'm about as partial on this subject as Sarah Palin is to inbreeding. But King Felix pitched his ass off, and deserved more than two crappy first-place votes. If anything, he deserved to win the Cy Young as much as Grienke.

The stat boys are rejoicing that cute acronyms like VORP (Value Over Replacement Player), WPA (Win Probability Added) and WAR (Wins Above Replacement), took on more importance this year than actual wins. Be as it may, there is a place for those stats.

But the one category that seemingly every member of the voting panel ignored was the glaring difference in Meaningful Games Pitched (MGP). Okay, I made that stat up. It still should stand for something though.

Because by my count, King Felix pitched in 30 meaningful games. And time after time, Felix came through like the stud he is in those games.

Grienke pitched in one meaningful game - the final game of the season, when there was some decent chatter about how his low win total (16) might prevent him from winning the Cy Young. All Grienke did was give up four runs in six innings, en route to a no-decision.

True, it's not Grienke's fault that he played for a crap team. But the Royals would have sucked with or without Grienke. The Mariners would have sucked without Felix, but were in a pennant race until September because of him.

That simple fact apparently was lost on the voters. So Grienke winning the Cy is the baseball equivalent to Charlize Theron winning the Best Actress Oscar for "Monster". Great performance. Poor movie.

Felix picked a bad year to be great. But if 2009 is an indication of how good he can be, there will be many more Cy Young Awards for Felix to win.

One More Year

Seattle's greatest sports icon is coming back. Again. For the second time.

Despite much speculation that Ken Griffey Jr. would come back for his 22nd big league season, nothing was certain until today when Junior and the Mariners agreed to another one-year contract.

Unlike last season when Atlanta tried to play grab ass with Griffey, the M's seemed like the only logical destination if Junior was interested in playing again.

Junior's 2009 season was a resounding success. His contributions on and off the field helped transform a franchise that was on the brink of becoming as insignificant as the Royals and the Pirates.

Generally sequels don't pan out (Ocean's 12 anyone?). But the circumstances surrounding this sequel are by and large far superior than a junk script that featured Julia Roberts playing a character who was posing as Julia Roberts.

Last year, Junior wasn't sure where, or if he would even be playing. And he made the most of his time off by indulging in his culinary interests.

Fresh off minor knee surgery, Griffey now has almost four full months to get himself into great shape for the 2010 season.

After watching Pay-Fraud win a World Series, Junior is most likely as hungry as he's ever been for the only accolade missing from his long list of accomplishments.

And if you think the M's are that far off from a World Series, think again. This team battled for 85 wins this year. GM Jack Zduriencik now has the entire off season and about $40 million that he didn't have last year to work his magic. If Jack Z can find a way to get 7-10 more wins from this team, then we're talking playoffs.

Considering Anaheim's pending roster overhaul with the possible departures of Vlad Guerrero, Chone Figgins and John Lackey, the playoffs don't seem so unlikely for the Mariners.

For all the dbags out there, bitching that Junior is taking up a roster spot, I offer the following - we're giving Carlos Silva a roster spot and an unlimited supply of Double Stuff Oreos. Last year, we wasted roster spots on guys like Yuniesky Betancourt and my heart belongs to the Ronny Cedeno.

It's not like the Mariners are taking Junior over Albert Pujols. Is there a better DH, pinch-hitting option available on the open market? Griffey showed pop, patience and infected the clubhouse with his care-free, fun-loving attitude.

There is absolutely no downside to bringing Junior back for another season. If you disagree, then you hate Seattle, hate baseball and probably hate America.

Finally, for all the other Griffey supporters out there, it has come to my attention that the Niketown in Seattle currently sports a giant picture of Roger Federer atop the building. Leave it to Seattle to feature a Swiss tennis star who has the personality of Audrina from "The Hills"to represent its city.

Federer needs to be replaced with Griffey. It's as simple as that.

Number 27

In one of the most unremarkable postseasons in baseball history, it only seems fitting that the franchise that has won 17 more World Series than any other team, captured yet another.

And truth be told, the Yankees aren't nearly as intolerable as they were in the late 90's, early 2000's. Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada and Andy Pettitte are all professionals in the truest sense.

A lot has changed in baseball since the Yankees won their last World Series. Revenue sharing has leveled the playing field enough that Phillies were the first World Series champ since the 2001 Yankees to even get a chance to defend their title in the World Series the following year.

The Red Sox have won two World Series, and their fans have overtaken Yankee fans as the most obnoxious in professional sports.

The Yanks deserved to win the World Series. They had a relentless, unforgiving offense, and a pitching staff that despite being a few arms short, dug deep and got quality innings from everyone not named Chien Ming Wang.

The only thing that is foul about this Yankees team wining the World Series is that Pay-Fraud now has the one accolade missing from his trophy case. It seems eons ago that Pay-Fraud was making up B.S. stories about his steroid abuse. How easy we forget.

After crippling the Rangers with his gargantuan contract, it didn't seem fair that Pay-Fraud got to play on the Yankees. But a funny thing happened - they couldn't win anything with him. Not only that, but Pay-Fraud routinely choked in October. It was karma.

So Pay-Fraud winning a World Series is akin to Heidi Montag winning a Grammy for Album of the Year.

And for all the hatred people have for the Yankees, one thing that can't be denied is the Yankees are good for baseball. There are as many fans who want to see the Yanks lose as there are fans who want to see them win. What other pro sports team evokes such emotions?

Just the damn Yankees.