Still Bill

Mariners GM Bill Bavasi can’t even make the right move properly.

In true Bavasi fashion, he rightly called up both Jeff Clement and Wladimir Balentien from AAA, but DFA’d the wrong switch hitting designated hitter.

Why Greg Norton got the boot instead of Fats Vidro is beyond me. In his minimal playing time, Norton had an OPS almost 500 points higher than Vidro. While that probably wouldn’t hold up throughout the season, it’s clear that Norton is the better hitter.

Vidro has been an unmitigated disaster as the M’s full time DH. Even as the most expensive pinch hitter in baseball history, Vidro is still a sub par option. Norton at least has some pop in his bat. Vidro is good for a slap single or a double play. Not to mention, Norton can play a position in the field (1B/RF), whereas Vidro’s weight keeps him from lateral movement.

It’s also important to note that Vidro has a vesting option for 2009 that kicks in if he reaches between 400-450 AB’s. Bavasi would have to be stupider than anybody conceivably thinks he is if he’s considering bringing back Vidro for 2009. It’s almost like Bavasi feels like he owes it to Vidro for being the lone All-Star representative for Les Expos during years 2000-2003.

Dropping Brad Wilkerson should have never happened because he should have never been signed in the first place. By not making it past April, Wilkerson undershot most M’s fans expectations who thought he would be cut between June and July.

In his first game this season, Wilkerson’s replacement, Wladimir Balentien, blasted a three-run home run. So in just four at bats, Balentien outhomered Wilkerson and nearly matched his RBI total.

The M’s end April two games under .500. This despite having three of the best starting pitchers in the American League thus far. Hopefully the moves made to inject some pop in the offense weren’t made a month too late.

National Blowout Association

The NBA’s second season drags on longer than a Grey’s Anatomy episode. Due to the flurry of trade activity that went on in the preseason and during the season, this year seemed like it could be different. Unfortunately it’s not. It’s worse.

Over the last ten days, there have been 36 playoff games. Those games have largely ended in lopsided scores, complete with dejected prima donnas giving up on the court.

It’s a damn shame that the league with the most talented athletes in the world is flooded with apathetic punks.

My wallet goes out to Denver Nuggets fans who are subjected to Carmelo Under the Influence (CUI) and his band of overpaid cohorts. A team that loaded should never get manhandled the way they were in the Lakers series. Granted, the Lakers are a great team, one that looks poised to make it to the Finals. But on paper, Denver is nearly every bit as good.

And for all the great first round matchups in the Bestern Conference, it doesn’t look like any series will last more than six games. The Mavericks have become the basketball equivalent to the 2001-2003 Seattle Mariners (great regular season, flop in the post season), Shaq to the Suns could very well become the worst trade Isaiah Thomas never made and T-Mac appears destined to be slotted at number 3 on the NBA Bitch List, right behind CUI and Vince Carter.

At this point, the only series still worth watching is Detroit/Philly. The Sixers seemed to be throwing in the towel earlier in the season when they traded Kyle Korver. But alas, they find themselves in great position to upset the rapidly aging Pistons.

I’m sure some people will be all excited that Atlanta tied up their series with Boston. It’s great that the Hawks have already won 5 percent of their games for the entire season. But the Hawks have 2 games left. The same thing happened to the Sonics in the 1996 Finals. Clueless Sonics fans who jumped on the bandwagon at some point in early June were confident that the Supes could come back from a 3-0 deficit to beat MJ and the Bulls. Anyone who had watched more than 4 playoff games in their life knew the Sonics never stood a chance. Same goes for the Hawks. The Celtics are not losing to a team that should have been excluded from the playoffs in the first place (if I was running the league, I would have given the Celtics a bye instead of pitting them against a 37 win team).

Granted, we’re only about 1/10^th through the NBA Playoffs 2-month long odyssey. Aside from the Lake Show and the Sixers, the next best thing from the Playoffs thus far is Dwight Howard’s ascension to greatness. First he thrilled us with arguably the greatest dunk show ever. Now he stands a great chance at advancing to the Eastern Conference Finals.

Things will hopefully get better as the playoffs wear on and teams and players feel like they have more to lose. Truth is it can’t get much worse.

Hurted

For the 2,332^nd time in his dismal general managing career, Bill Bavasi yet again made a move (in this case a non-move) that will haunt the Mariners throughout the early season months.

By not signing Frank Thomas to the low risk, high reward contract that the Big Hurt inked with division rival Oakland A’s, Bavasi deprived the M’s lineup of the game changing bat they desperately need. Nearly as important, not signing Thomas robbed myself and hundreds of others who grew up in the early to mid 1990’s, the chance to call the second best hitter of our youth our own.

Standing at a mediocre 11-11, the M’s are a Felix Hernandez mental lapse and a Jarrod Washburn start away from battling the Rangers for last place in the AL West. Starting pitching is the only thing keeping this team above water. And for as good as the starters have been, there simply is no chance they will continue to throw the ball this well as the season progresses.

Meanwhile, Mariners batters are regressing. .205, .200, .197, .178 – Those are the batting averages for Richie Sexson, Fats Vidro, Kenjiballz and Brad Wilkerson. Couple these anorexic batting averages with the fact that Ichiballz hasn’t hit his stride, Belly can’t hit with RISP (.100, 1, 3), and a double play duo that would rather get spiked in the face than take a walk and you’ve got the worst offense in baseball.

Bavasi doesn’t deserve all the blame. Hitting coach Jeff Pentland has inexplicably been able to keep his job, despite similar hitting woes lurking throughout his three seasons at the helm.

Sure, Thomas might be running on fumes. But even with his early season struggles, Thomas would still be the Mariners third best hitter. The simple fact that Thomas would be no worse than Fats Vidro should have been enough reason to sign him.

Yesterday, the Cincinnati Reds fired GM Wayne Krivsky after just two years on the job. The Reds winning percentage during Krivsky’s tenure was .467. Bavasi’s winning percentage during his four plus inept seasons is .461. The Mariners brass needs to take a hint.

Not So Bad After All

I touched on something similar to this back in November, 2007.

While the Key isn't the nicest NBA arena, it is arguably one of the best in terms of site lines and design. Most of the newer arenas are giant airplane hangars.

Even though this clip is almost 13 years old, what Stern says still remains true.

Where Stern went wrong was when he backed Howard Schultz and his coffee stained hands on his quest to whine his way to a new arena. Once Schultz sold the team to Clayton "The Truth" Bennett, Stern had no choice but to stand behind his original position.

Bring On The Big Hurt

Three weeks into the MLB season, and it’s apparent the 2008 Seattle Mariners can’t hit.

Brad Wilkerson has maintained the futile tradition brought forth by past free agent acquisitions Jeff Cirillo, Rich Aurillia, Scott Spazio and Carl Everett. Jose Lopez and Yuniesky Betancourt continue to sport on base percentages that are nearly identical to their batting averages (if only they could both bat .400). And Kenji Johjima and Jose Vidro seem to have money on who can hover around the Mendoza Line longer.

For a franchise with grand aspirations to play baseball in October, the current offense needs an overhaul. Barry Bonds isn’t happening. The Cincinnati Reds right fielder isn’t happening. But the newly released Frank Thomas – now that’s something that should happen.

Even as he nears 40, The Big Hurt has shown he can still hit at a higher level than anything south of Raul Ibanez. Ignore his current .167 average. Thomas’ 11 RBI’s would place him third amongst Mariners batters. Thomas is also a notorious slow starter. Over the last three years, he’s batted nearly 50 points higher post All-Star break.

It’s blatantly clear the Jose Vidro DH experiment has gone predictably poor. With his weak bat and love handles, Vidro is best equipped to come off the bench as the most expensive situational pinch hitter in baseball history.

Mariners GM Bill Bavasi carelessly ignored what losing Jose Guillen would mean to the offense. Thomas effectively fills that void. He can also can be had at the league minimum (something he’ll gladly take given how pissed he is about being cut by the Blue Jays). Thomas has enough power in his bat to remain unaffected by Safeco Field’s cavernous dimensions. Place him somewhere in spots 3-6 and the entire lineup looks much more dangerous.

Another important thing to mention is Thomas could join Gaylord Perry and Rickey Henderson as surefire Hall of Famers who donned the navy and northwest green near their careers end.

The Mariners have the starting pitching to compete with the best. Once the Putz returns, they’ll have their relief situation in order. Now all that remains is a bat, maybe 2 (Jeff Clement, anyone?).

This is a low risk, high reward acquisition that needs to take place.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

Apparently NBA owners are as clueless as their commissioner.

Today’s news that the owners approved the Sonics relocation to Oklahoma City, while not surprising, is highly disappointing. Amongst the 30 owners, only two, Mark Cuban and Paul Allen, had the good sense to realize that the NBA is a better league with a team in Seattle than with a team in Oklahoma City. How can so many rich people be so stupid? Even Jeannie Buss, the smoking hot cougar who runs the Lakers for her daddy, voted for the move.

"Oklahoma City gave a wonderful presentation," said Buss.

Sonics owner Clay Bennett must have some serious redneck mojo going for him if he can get Buss to utter such lies.

Bennett now claims his “man possessed” email was in reference to keeping the team in Seattle. New rule: never trust a man with no sideburns.

Under no circumstance will Oklahoma City have any upside over Seattle. It’s a third rate city that deserves semi-pro teams. Well maybe not semi-pro teams, but they’d be much better off with Memphis or New Orleans – two cities that should never have been awarded NBA franchises.

And despite his last second attempts to get the team back, this entire predicament goes back to Howard Schultz. He knew all along what the lease terms were when he originally bought team. Once Schultz determined he was losing money faster than Bear Sterns, he started bitching and moaning like a spoiled little brat who got a Wii instead of a PS3.

So thanks again, Howard for selling out the entire city.

Schultz to the Rescue?

Who knew Howard Schultz had this in him? After being Public Enemy Number One for nearly two years, Schultz has done a complete about face.

While this news doesn’t change the fact that Clay Bennett and his band of white trash rednecks seem hell bent on being men possessed and ditching a top media market for bumble fuck, it does give some hope when there appeared to be none left.

Sure, the idea of Schutlz jumping around the sidelines like a horny cheerleader doesn’t sound appealing (nor does Wally Walker running the team back into the ground), but anything is better than Bennett – even Schultz.

More to come later…

Seattle Supersonics 1967-2008

When the Seattle Supersonics fell to an emerging L.A. Lakers dynasty in the 1998 Western Conference Semi Finals, nobody could have predicted the franchises slow death would take place over ten short years.

After spending almost the entire 1990’s as a lock to make the playoffs and win 50 plus games, the Sonics cut ties with coach George Karl following the 98 campaign. Things have gone downhill ever since.

Since Karl’s departure, the Sonics have suffered through two Bush administration wannabe ownership groups, painful personnel moves (How many 6”10, 140 pound Eastern European small forwards can a team have?) and only two playoff appearances.

In what was most likely their last game ever played in Seattle, the Sonics gave fans a glimpse of what could be, along with memories of how great things used to be. Down six with three minutes left, the Sonics went on a Disney-esque comeback to knock off the surprisingly reeling Dallas Mavericks 99-95. But at this point, a Disney-esque ending, where the Supes stay in Seattle, is as likely as Ashlee Simpson giving birth to a child with talent.

So this is for Lenny, Slick, DJ, Gus, Downtown Fred Brown, Sikma and X-Man. To Tom Chambers for being one of the few white guys to participate in a slam dunk contest, Michael Cage and his glistening Jheri Curl, Mac 10’s lock down D, Dale Ellis and his drunken escapades and Sam Perkins for stroking threes after smoking fat blunts during half time. To GP throwing sick lobs to the Reign Man, Det and his Drago flat top and Ray Ray for being the best actor/NBA player since Kareem. To Benoit Benjamin, Scheffler, The Brick, Big JJ, Flip Murray, Danny Fortson and all the other characters to wear green and gold. Finally, this is for KD and Jeff Green – the future.

Swept Up

It should come as no surprise that the 2008 Seattle Mariners have shown they can’t hit much more than Nicole Richie’s weight, and the relievers have an ERA that’s close to Dave Niehaus’ numbers on a scale.

Even with the Erik Bedard acquisition, the Mariners still showed glaring holes offensively. Throw in an unproven relief corps sans the Putz, and you’ve got a 2-5 start. And that’s not just any 2-5 start. It’s 2-5 against two of baseball’s worst teams. Playoffs? Playoffs?

Richie Sexson sucked last year. He sucks even more this year. Brad Wilkerson sucked last year. He sucks even more than Sexson this year. Jose Vidro is good for either a limp dick single, or a double play. An offense with these clowns hitting somewhere in spots 4-7 is destined to average 4 runs a game, which is just about what the M’s are averaging this season.

The only saving grace for this team has been the starting pitching. But starting pitching means nothing when the relievers keep coughing up games.

This predicament has little to do with manager John McLaren. He’s doing the best he can with limited resources.

The full blame should fall on GM Bill Bavasi’s weak shoulders. In his fifth year undeservedly running the team into the ground, Bavasi went for broke and dealt the M’s best offensive prospect and second best relief pitcher. Last year, he gave Rafael Soriano away to Atlanta for a Big Mac, two cheeseburgers and an orange Hi-C. Think either Soriano or George Sherrill would be a huge help right now?

Some pundits are running around screaming about how the Mariners need to sign Barry Lamar. Let’s face it, if the Mariners washed their hands clean from Carlos Guillen for having a few road sodas and swerving in his Benzo, then they’re not going anywhere near a tax evading, clear swallowing, manic depressive. Granted, Bonds would blast balls off The Hit It Here Café like sniper fire directed at Hillary Clinton and Sinbad in Bosnia.

The real answer to the Mariners anemic offense resides in Cincinnati, just six home runs shy of 600 on his career.

I’m now in the fifth year of my Bring Back Griffey campaign, and it’s admittedly getting a little old. Being so right for so long, only to be ignored by a bald ass clown who looks like WWF wrestler is beyond frustrating.

Despite the low regard in which I generally hold the M’s, I truly want them to win. Not much else would make me happier. While it might be early to freak out over a 2-5 start, fans should get used to it. Because unless they bring back Bret Boone and put him on the juice, this team will keep having trouble crossing home plate and keep losing.

From Way Downtown...CLANK!

During my teenage years, I concocted a plan to build a house made from a giant chicken McNugget. The McNugget House, as it would be known, came equipped with a system where one could eat parts of the house and they would regenerate. A giant lake filled with strawberry milk would be the stomping ground for hundreds of pure bred yellow Labrador retrievers. My friends would live in the McNugget sauce – honey, barbecue and sweet & sour, respectively. And those not welcome would be subject to tennis ball machines that shot out giant Lemon Heads at speeds up to 100 miles per hour.

Yesterday’s proposal from former Sonics legend, Downtown Fred Brown, and his business partner, Mr. Bean, to build a privately funded sports and entertainment facility reminded me about the McNugget House.

Brown deserves credit for at least trying something new, whereas everyone else wastes time dinking around with the pencil pushers up in Olympia. But Brown’s $1 billion fantasy comes with absolutely no funding, a retractable roof that serves little purpose other than to inflate the price and very little on details.

The proposed location - Pier 46, seems to be a total dream. While I love the Ye Olde Curiosity Shop, the Pier has about as much appeal to it as a Halloween superstore does in March. Even the homeless don’t hang out around there. With all the development that’s taken place around Seattle over the last few years, one would assume developers would be all over the Pier. There’s obviously a reason why the Pier has remained virtually untouched.

In his playing days, Fred Brown was known to have the deepest range in the NBA. Some say that if he played longer during the 3-point era, he would have been a lock for the Hall of Fame. It’s also worth noting that Brown continues to sport the same gorgeous mini-fro that he rocked throughout his NBA career. But Brown seems to be out of his own range on this shot. This isn’t even Michael Jordan/Larry Bird over the second rafter, off the floor, nothing but net shit. Brown should try getting a little closer to the hoop.