The "Genius"

I recently jumped the shark and bought a Mac.

After years rebelling against the Apple juggernaut (Go figure - a crazy lib like me not having a Mac? Laughable.), I concluded that a Mac is the best machine to handle my penchant for gothic sex themed chat rooms and Miley Cyrus iTunes playlists.

Three days into my Mac experience, I noticed a stuck pixel glaring at me from the lower middle portion of my glistening LCD screen.

For years, I've been suffering with a similar problem on my TV. And being the neurotic loon that I am, it's safe to say I've wasted hours upon hours trying to determine if the little red dot on my screen felt like coming out to play. Needless to say, I think it has also made me slightly cockeyed in the process.

No way was I going to let this happen to my precious new Mac.

It took a 30 minute call, complete with endless transferring from Apple Care to Sales & Support before someone decided that I needed to make an appointment with a Mac "Genius".

Now I'm hesitant to call someone who probably doesn't have any sort of advanced degree a genius. It's like referring to Jon Gosselin as a "family therapist".

At the moment, I reserve that term for three people:

* Prince

* Mariners GM Jack Zduriencik

* Michael Eric Dyson

My prior experience with a "Genius" consisted of the "Genius" phoning home on my iPod and having a conversation with it in code. He then proceeded to treat me as if I'd come in complaining the iPod wouldn't work, while unknowingly having the hold button on.

So this time, I determined I needed to cozy up to the "Genius" in order to get my issue resolved. I needed to enter his world. Find out what makes Battlestar Gallactica so great. Or, at the very least, look the part.

Out came the most wrinkled pair of khakis I could find, a tattered t-shirt promoting an obscure DC eatery, and my hippie Keens - worn with white socks, of course.

Under no circumstances could the inferior Blackberry I keep nestled to my thigh ever come out. In order for this to work, I had to fully embrace the "Genius" lifestyle.

As I approached the "Genius Bar", I quickly scanned the "Geniuses". Three looked like Steve Jobs, sans mock turtle neck, and one looked like fat Seth Rogen with fiery red hair.

Thankfully, I got fat Seth Rogen.

Fat Seth Rogen halfheartedly attempted to apply pressure to the stuck pixel. Three seconds later, he deemed the pixel stuck and offered to replace the panel (which I'm assuming is "Genius" slang for screen).

I politely accepted the offer for the panel replacement.

I hate to say it, but I think I'm a full blown Mac enthusiast.

Not only that, khakis and Keens make for incredibly comfortable attire.